Indigo Eyes
by little hecate
Summary: H/D slash After going home for the holiday, life starts to get complex. certain themes may be unsuitable for the squeamish. Chapter 14 *UP*!
1. It Looks A Dream And Feels The Same

Body Disclaimer: as always, these are not my characters, they belong to another, J.K. Rowling. the plot is mine, however

Warning: this is slash. although there isn't any gratuitous sex, it still involves guys digging guys. you have been warned.

Pairing: HP/DM and sort of RL/SB

Note: here is the sequel to Strange Kind of Love. this is also named after the Peter Murphy song of the same name, and you will see why... eventually.

Indigo Eyes

Draco had insisted that he would be all right to go home for the summer holiday. I secretly doubted this very much, but I wasn't about to sound as though I didn't have faith in him. Faith in him was not so much my problem as was my faith in his situation. That Lucius would forego punishing his son at all over the next two months was impossible for me to believe. However, he had been adamant in going on as though nothing had changed. So be it.

As I watched him walk away from the station, I had the vague feeling that that was the last time I was going to see him. Ever. He was just so perfect with the way that he held his head up, despite the urge that I know he had to stare at the ground whenever Lucius was about. The small smile he had given me behind his father's back was slightly reassuring. But only in that moment. He was gone all too soon in Lucius's sleek, black car. Funny how beautiful people are on their way out the door. If there was one image that I was sure I would never forget of Draco, it was his smile as he walked away.

"Ready?" Uncle Vernon was there waiting for me. The reality of all the things that had come to pass over the last year suddenly seemed very distant and hard to grasp. In the instant that the Dursleys showed up all my dreams had been dashed. There were the Weasleys! (Ron and Hermione and I had all made up. I had explained the situation the best I could while still leaving out the vast majority of the details and even a few main events.)

"Be right back." I said my good-byes to the whole family, then Hermione before I turned to face the beet red face of Uncle Vernon. Of course, I knew it would infuriate him to see me with all the freaks like me and see me happy. That is partly why I dragged it out so far.

"Go. Now." Uncle Vernon left little room for conversation. Dudley gave a small shriek upon my arrival inside the vehicle. Aunt Petunia said nothing, as usual. As I sank into the back seat, the reality of what I was going to have to live through the next two months sunk in. Hard.

Returning to Privet Drive always made my heart sink, and this was no exception. Uncle Vernon unceremoniously dropped my trunk on the sidewalk, scattering my books and quills. The Dursleys went inside as I cleaned up the mess. I was through not long after and I turned to grab the trunk from the other side when...

"Dobby! What are you doing here?" He was the last person... elf... person I had expected to see.

"Hello, Harry Potter, Sir. Dobby is grateful to see you out of Hogwarts." He was making inane chatter. There was a purpose behind this visit.

"What's the matter, Dobby?" I asked, trying not to sound too curious.

"Mmm... Dobby is wanting to tell you about his former masters, Harry Potter, Sir." At any moment I was afraid he was going to start punishing himself. Of course, the way he was jumping about did nothing to quell my fear. He always reacted this way when he talked about his former masters, the Malfoys.

"Really? Why, what's the matter?" I was becoming increasingly concerned. Draco was there. Perhaps Dobby knew about Draco's childhood. Or his lack thereof.

"Dobby knows that Harry's dragon is there. And he knows what is going to happen to him," he said, obviously fighting the urge to smash his face against my trunk. Now I was starting to panic.

"What about Draco? Is he all right?"

"For now. Dobby is wanting to tell Harry, Sir, that his former master is knowing about you and your dragon."

Wait a minute. How the hell could he know about Draco? He was working at Hogwarts for a Galleon a week. He hadn't stepped foot on Malfoy soil since he was freed. At least to my knowledge. "How do you know this?"

Dobby was becoming increasingly agitated. "I is sneaking in to check on my flower and her dragon. She is telling me that he knew. Harry Potter, Sir, your dragon is in much danger. He is not knowing it, but it is surely true."

No. No. Draco was fine. He was safe. How could Lucius know about us? How could he know anything? 'He is talking to his flower?' Narcissa. Of course. How could I be so stupid? "How does Lucius know about Draco and me?"

At this point he slammed his head into my trunk. He quickly recovered himself. "Sorry, Sir, I is still having some adjustment problems." I nodded for him to continue. "That I is not quite sure of. Dobby's flower made mention of you and your dragon. She is knowing, but how I is not quite sure. He is hurting your dragon for what he and Harry Potter did, Sir," he gasped. He stood there like debating whether or not to smash his head up again.

"Where is Lucius now?" I asked. I kind of doubted that he would tell me, but it was worth a shot.

"He is not home, Sir." That was all he said. I would assume that his years of service with the Malfoys had led him to have some secrets he would keep indefinitely. Conditioned behaviour definitely seemed to surround the Malfoy way of life. I was getting far deeper into this than I wanted to be. I didn't want to know that Draco was in trouble. I wanted him to be safe. Why couldn't just one bloody thing in my entire life go well?

I started at the slamming of the door and the crack of a whip that was Dobby's hasty exit. Turning around, I was watching Dudley approach, slightly waddling. His legs didn't seem too keen on holding up his great weight.

"Who were you talking to, Harry?" he taunted. *Sigh* This really wasn't the time for Dudley to play with me.

"I was talking to a professor from HOGWARTS, who also happens to be a werewolf. He was one of my father's best friends, you know. He's on a mission to make sure nothing happens to me over the summer. You might want to watch your step," I said airily and he turned and fled, screaming for Mummy.

This tale I told Dudley wasn't entirely untrue. I had talked to Profes- Remus before I had gone home. He was kind of watching out for me. He had rented a flat just a few blocks down with his great black dog. *Giggle* There are always things about magick that still never cease to amaze me. It struck me as quite amusing to think that the great black dog down the street was my godfather. He was a wanted criminal in both the Wizarding and Muggle worlds. Unfortunately, Wormtail had been conveniently absent when Voldemort chose to make himself known. The Death Eaters said nothing, in their traditional style. But Remus had also rented the flat to be anonymous for a while. He was secluding himself more and more since he left his post as Defense Against the Dark Arts three years ago. I was hoping that seeing him more might bring him out of his funk. Sirius seemed to be thinking along the same lines I was, as it was at his suggestion that Remus agreed to move just down the street.

I grabbed my trunk and hauled it up to my room. Not before being reprimanded by Aunt Petunia, of course, for threatening her precious Diddy Dums. Spoiled prat. That one cost me an evening of housework, which wasn't nearly as bad as I had expected. Assuming that Dudley told her what I really said, she was probably a little apprehensive about being excessive. It kind of makes me sad to think that the only way I could get even an ounce of respect in that house was to use threats. *Sigh* So be it.

Dinner started out as quite ordinary. Dudley was complaining about his meager portions. (That diet his doctor had enforced two years back was back on again.) Uncle Vernon talked about his drill company. Aunt Petunia was going on about the neighbours and their problems with the daughter. I was sitting there being treated as though I were not. Ordinary didn't last long, unfortunately.

About half way through, Draco's eagle owl soared through the open window and perched on the back of my chair. It dropped an envelope in my lap and took off again. Before I could open it, Uncle Vernon snatched it from me.

"What are you doing?" I asked. It had been a while since he had taken my mail from me like that.

"I know this is from that crackpot you call a teacher who's supposed to be watching you." What the hell was his point? Even if it were from Remus or Sirius, why would he be interested? "I will have no more of these freaks about." Of course. He was interested because he wanted to make me miserable. How stupid of me to have forgotten.

He opened the envelope. His eyes widened in shock. All he did was look up at me, his face a disgusting shade of purple. He thrust the letter at me saying, "So that's the way you are is it?"

I read the letter. It was relatively short and appeared to have been written hastily.

He knows. I love you, don't ever forget about me. I'm sorry. I love you.

Draco

"Who is Draco?" Uncle Vernon asked.

No. This wasn't happening. This wasn't the last letter from Draco, it just couldn't be. I started laughing. No. Uncle Vernon wasn't finding out that I'm gay. This just wasn't happening. It just wasn't.

"How dare you!" he screamed.

"How dare I what? Fall in love?" I was laughing beyond control. It was that, or fall down sobbing.

"With a BOY?" Now Aunt Petunia and Dudley were horrified.

"The hottest boy in Britain, Sir. Even you would find him yummy." Boundaries were crossed. There was no hope in going back now. I fucked myself good and proper. And still I laughed.

At this point, all they could do was stare. The freak of the family was a nancy boy as well. After a few more moments watching me, Uncle Vernon seemed to come to himself. He grabbed me by my collar and dragged me to the door. With a fierce shove, he forced me out the door. I sat on the walk, bleeding from my palms and laughing hysterically. I was definitely hysterical by now. A few moments later my trunk and Hedwig were next to me. Hedwig's frightened screeching brought me back to Earth. I righted her and she mellowed.

It would seem that my self control had all but escaped me. My mind was blissfully blank. All I could do was start dragging my trunk down the street. Number Four was the last place I wanted to be, though I did not think that in a coherent way. Next thing I knew I was standing outside a flat building, pushing the buzzer for 18A.

"Yes?" came the voice.

"Remus? It's Harry," was all I could say. I was praying that I had the right number. I was praying that he would let me in. I was praying that it was going to be all right. The buzzer sounded and the door opened. I heaved my trunk and Hedwig into the small lobby. Going as though by some alien force, I made my way to 18A. Remus was at the door waiting for me. He ushered me inside and quickly shut the door.

As soon as I was inside, I collapsed, sobbing hysterically. The weight of all the things that had happened in the last half hour finally hit me. I had been thrown out of the Dursley's house for being homosexual. That being because my boyfriend had written me what was probably the last letter he would ever write again. After all the time I had helped Draco to overcome his father's abuse... It was all dashed to pieces in seconds. Sirius was there. He pulled me up and half carried, half dragged me over to a chair.

"Harry, what is going on? Are you okay?" he asked. All I could do was hand him Draco's letter which I had been clutching in a death-grip since Uncle Vernon handed it to me. He read it and passed it to Remus. I had to get myself under control. Things had to be explained.

"Sirius..." and I broke into tears again. He pulled me close to him and comforted me like a father would. I was sort of expecting him to be repulsed and pissed off. He held me until I calmed down. When my breathing had returned to normal, I sat back.

"Who is 'He'?" Remus asked. "And what does this all mean?" he said, gesturing at the parchment in his hand.

"'He' is Lucius Malfoy. And what it means is that he is going to do something horrible to Draco."

He seemed to give this some thought. "And you love this boy?" There was a tinge of disapproval in his voice. Sirius was glaring knives at him.

"Yes. I do." We stared at each other for a moment. He just nodded and gave the letter back to me.

"Then I suppose something must be done for him." He strode over and sat at his desk. After pulling out a sheet of parchment and a quill he began to write. Sirius and I sat on the floor, silently staring at Remus. A few minutes later, he let Hedwig out and tied the letter to her leg. She seemed to know that this was important because she didn't give Remus any hell about being a stranger. She took off through the window. Remus stood watching her for a moment before joining us on the floor.

"What did you say?" I asked.

Remus sighed and cleared his throat. "I have told Dumbledore that he might be very interested in finding Draco Malfoy before too much time has passed. There is nothing more that we can do at the moment, so just relax. Now, what are you doing here with your trunk and your owl?" There was no malice in his tone, he was just confused.

"The Dursleys threw me out," I said.

"It wouldn't have anything to do with this Draco, would it?" he asked very gently.

"Actually..." and I broke into tears again. Again Sirius comforted me and again Remus was sitting at the desk writing. He tied that letter to his own owl, who looked about as ragged as everything else Remus owned. It flew away and again he joined us on the floor.

"Harry, just calm down. Everything will turn out all right, I promise." So much compassion emanating from him.

"Don't make promises you can't keep."

"I'm sorry, Harry. But you just have to have a little faith," he said.

*****

I'm a little unsure about how I did Dobby. I was kind of making his speech up as I went as I had no reference material handy. I'm sorry if he came off as... cheesy. Let me know.

And I would like to thank specifically I-chan Hakubi-Kobayashi, Allie Potter, Shadow Maxwell-Yuy, GSKrissy, Prongs, and Lynn: here is your sequel. I hope you like it. And also thank you to Prongs and Rubicon, being a fav has given me hope. For those that I have not mentioned by name, please do not be offended, I love you as equally and I do hope you come back for more. And PLEASE review. Cheers! 


	2. Time Has Nothing To Do With It

Body Disclaimers, Warnings, and Pairings: Please refer to the first part.

Indigo Eyes

"Faith?" he snorted. "Faith in what? What is even left to have faith in at all?"

It was at times like these that I resented the hell out of James for leaving Harry alone. Not that it was his fault. I resented the hell out of Lord Voldemort and Wormtail and the Death Eaters for leaving Harry alone. What that boy had gone through since the time he was a year old... I almost can't bear to think of it, even now. For sixteen years the people that should have been there for him, namely myself and Remus, just couldn't be. Harry had gotten one hell of a raw deal in life. He had to bear the burden of being the Boy Who Lived, he had to go without parents or family at all, and now he had to learn to deal with losing his love. I was hoping that it wouldn't have to come down to that after all, but when dealing with a Death Eater one always had to assume the worst.

As soon as Harry had buzzed Remus I knew that something wasn't right. He had agreed only to come in an emergency, and I was panicked that an emergency was already at hand. Not even home for twenty four hours and he was already having a hard time of things. Then he appeared in the doorway. Remus had barely shut the door before he collapsed into tears. Harry had courage to be so candid in telling us exactly what was on his mind. Now he was sitting here telling us that he had no faith. That there was nothing to put faith into anymore.

"How can you be so jaded at such a young age?" I thought out loud. I instantly regretted what I said because instantly there was nothing but suppressed rage coming from Harry.

"For the last nine months I have spent every waking moment trying to keep what little faith I had intact. And then for it all to be taken away just like that? Why does that happen to everyone in my life? First my parents, then Cedric, and now Draco, too? Why? And you ask me where my faith has gone? My faith has gone where they have gone and I doubt it will return without them. Not that it matters anymore. Nothing matters anymore. All there is to life is pain and suffering. Love is just another form of pain and it causes more suffering than a thousand Voldemorts ever could. I thought that I could take away Draco's torture and all I did was make it worse," he yelled. "Being jaded is not a way I would choose to be. Unfortunately, I never had a choice in the matter. Becoming jaded is the result of having all your hopes and dreams smashed at the critical moment of formation. Whenever I thought something was going my way Voldemort has come in and destroyed it. Voldemort and his selfish actions are the reason I am so fucking jaded. Begrudge me that if you must, because frankly I don't blame you. I hate not having the initiative to trust anything. I hate feeling so fucking hollow and cold. I don't know how to turn it around and even if I did I don't know that I would because at least I know that's the one thing I can _always_ count on," he finished, sobbing.

"There is more to life than pain, Harry, you just have to give it time," Remus said. I was too shocked to say anything. I knew where he was coming from, and I didn't blame him for feeling the way he was.

"Is that so? Give it time? How much time, Remus? Has time healed your pain? Any of it? Has time made my father's death any less painful for you?" he asked coldly. Remus was definitely taken aback. He just sat there, staring at Harry. "That's what I thought."

"Harry, there are some wounds that never heal. You just can't let yourself get caught up in the pain. If you do, you will be no better off than your parents. Or Cedric, or Draco. That is Voldemort's plan, and you simply cannot give into him. You have fought too hard for too long to throw in the towel now. And to be perfectly honest with you, the only thing that does make James's death less painful is knowing that he left something behind that might be able to pick up where he left off. He was adamantly against Voldemort from minute go. He died fighting him. You are the reason he fought so vehemently to the bitter end. He loved you more than life itself and if you give up now, you will be squashing his memory into the dirt. He is proud of you for fighting so valiantly, I know that. And so am I. If not for you, Harry, I would not be sitting here right now. None of us would. You have done great things already and there are more great things yet to come. If you truly love Draco as you say you do, you will fight for him. Please, Harry, just be patient and be strong." Wow. I seemed to have found my voice. Harry just sat there staring at me. Tears were welling up in his eyes. He turned to Remus, opened his mouth as if to speak, then closed it. He looked down at the carpet.

"What was he like?" he said in little more than a whisper.

"James? He was very like you, actually," Remus replied, a small smile appearing at the corners of his mouth. He looked at me, and I found myself returning it. Thinking about James was painful, without a doubt, but his memory made me happy.

"The best friend anyone could ever want to have. He would do anything for you...."

"Including illegally becoming an Animagus just to give you some company," Remus interrupted. We both started laughing at the recollection of James telling Remus that we had learned to transform ourselves into animals so that he wouldn't be alone.

"He was so proud of himself. He jumped around like a maniac the first time he transformed. He was screaming, 'I did it, I did it. Won't Remus be surprised?'"

"Did he really?" Remus asked.

"Of course he did. He was the one that figured out where you disappeared to all the time. He was very perceptive and he was extremely intelligent. I wish you had gotten the chance to know him, Harry," I told him. He was smiling now, too. Thank the gods.

"I will never forget the day you were born, Harry. He called us all in such a frenzy I had never seen him in. He was so proud, I thought he was going to explode. The first time I saw you he said, 'That's my son.' And then he introduced us as though we were the same age. It was, 'Harry, meet Remus, Remus, meet Harry.'"

We were now reminiscing in full force. For the next few hours we sat there telling Harry about his parents. Why I hadn't before then... There are some things that he needed to be told face to face. He listened and laughed with us. Then I realized that this was the first time anyone had talked to him about James as he was when he was happy. I'm quite sure that he knew about how James had fought Voldemort, I just never realized that he knew nothing of his father as his father. I felt very honoured to be telling Harry about his family. I felt very honoured that I was that close to his family to be able to tell him about it. My only regret was that he didn't know these things for himself. That he heard them not from his father, but his father's friends.

At some ungodly hour of the morning, we finally decided to go to bed. We were really too hoarse to go on any longer, but Harry seemed much better than when he had arrived. Remus and I tucked him into the spare bed and waited until he fell asleep before we retired to our own. We didn't have to wait long, as Harry was completely physically and emotionally exhausted. He fell asleep almost as soon as he lay down. Looking down at him, I could have been looking down at James himself. Only his eyes were different. He had Lily's eyes.

"Let's leave him be," Remus whispered, tugging at my hand. I nodded and followed him out.

"What are we going to do with him, Sirius?" he asked when we had settled down for sleep.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, he's got nowhere else to go. Do you think Dumbledore will let him stay?"

"I don't see why not. Unless he's got a better suggestion. If he does, is it okay that I fight until he agrees to let us keep him?" I asked. I didn't want to think that after sixteen years, I would be denied the right to take care of my godson. For me, he was family. The only family outside of Remus that I had left.

"You took the words right out of my mouth."

"It's settled then?"

"Yes. Go to sleep."

"Good night."

"Good night, love."

*****

I rather like it. Do you? Shall I continue? 


	3. As If Afloat, As If Afraid

Body Disclaimers and Warnings: please refer to the first part, nothing much has changed.

Note: I was kind of in a stupor myself when I wrote this, but I think it fits. Enjoy!

As If Afloat, As If Afraid

From the moment I stepped off the train, I knew something was amiss. Mother was there along with Lucius. Lucius never came to pick me up from school. He completely disapproved of my mother's and my decision to go to Hogwarts as opposed to Durmstrang. He was there with a very odd smile on his face. I felt all the same old feelings start washing over me. I turned around and saw Harry standing with the Weasleys.

The fact that Harry was standing there was the only reason I didn't focus on the ground as I usually did in situations like these. As Mother and Lucius got into the car, I gave Harry a quick smile. He was breathtaking in the evening light, his hair reflecting at odd angles and gave his skin an ethereal glow. For that brief moment I saw him I absorbed all of what he was. It was feeling very much like a very permanent parting of the ways. As optimistic as I would love to have been, there was just this feeling like there was no hope of ever going back to Harry again. I was preparing to spend an entire holiday in the dungeon of Malfoy Manor. I knew that, though no one needed say it. My mother knew it. There were tears in her eyes, but she never spilled one.

Sitting across from Lucius for the entire ride home was almost unbearable torture. The silence and the tension were driving me insane with the combination of panic and hate and fear and sadness welling up in me. He sat there staring at me, saying nothing. He was thinking about what it was that he was going to make me do. He always got the same mad glint in his eye every time he thought about my punishments. It was all I could do to keep upright and conscious. I wanted so badly just to faint or go into fatal cardiac arrest or what ever the hell would make him stop looking at me like that. Harry always looked at me with something like love and respect, not at all like Lucius. He was looking at me with undisguised hatred and lust at the same time. That was what tortured me: that the wife sitting at his side was less fulfilling to him than the son he had borne with her.

Upon arriving home, Lucius let his anger show. He dragged me out of the car, up the front stairs, into the house, down the stairs to the dungeon, and threw me into his favourite cell. He shackled my wrists and ankles to the wall before tearing my robes off. I was rather surprised at how quickly he was getting down to it and that frightened me. 'Just think of Harry.' He made it bearable. Lucius was throwing a combination of lashes from his belt and the Cruciatus curse at me. A few long moments of pain. Then blessed blackness.

"Draco? Baby, are you there?" a voice said. I tried to open my eyes, but I couldn't see clearly. I tried to move my arms, but they ached with every movement. I managed to wipe my eyes. My hands were red.

I was screaming. No. No. No. No. This was not happening. Lucius had beaten me before but never this severely. He had not performed any hurried healing charms. He wasn't going to perform any healing charms at all. He meant to kill me.

"Why?" I think I managed to whimper after a while. I remember wanting to say it but couldn't make my voice sound quite right.

"Harry Potter, son?" my mother said. She was so sweet. She was asking me as though she were asking the name of my latest girlfriend. Or that's how I remember it now.

I nodded in answer to her question. Or the closest thing I could manage to a nod. She seemed to understand. Oh, dear. Harry. 'I have to tell Harry that I love him,' I thought. I wanted to ask my mother for a quill and parchment. I was writing. I don't remember what I said in the letter. Then it was on it's way to Harry.

Laying on the floor was becoming almost comfortable. The pain had numbed me. I was staring up the shaft of the tower that this cell was the bottom of. That was why it was a favourite for Lucius. There was no hope for escape here. The walls had been rendered unscalable by use of some kind of potion or charm. It was a special kind of torture where you could see your freedom but never feel it. That was kind of a metaphor for the Malfoy Way of Life, in a way. You were always chained to someone else's idea of the way things should be. To go your own way was a sin unto itself. And what I had done with Harry Potter, of all people, the Boy Who Lived, was beyond sin. It was mortal sin, and it would cost me my life.

Mother was still there. She was petting me, stroking my hair. Harry used to pet me like that. When we were alone together he would always do little things like that to put me at ease. And whenever someone was wanting to give him shit for anything, he would listen to their side before doing anything about it. I still can't figure out why he had taken five years of some pretty horrible shit from me only to turn around and help stand me on my feet. Harry was the best. Yes, I was going to miss him terribly. Even if in the life after this there is nothing I know I will always miss Harry. Harry had become a veritable piece of me.

Head bouncing on the floor, Mother being thrown out, pulled up by my hair. Someone had shackled me to the wall again. I didn't open my eyes for fear of being read like an open book. As though he couldn't see enough of me as it was, he forced my eyes open.

The room was full of people. Every one of them had a black cape and mask. The Death Eaters had come to finish off a weakling they viewed a traitor. Traitor I may have been, but not to Lord Voldemort or any of his crew. I never claimed to be a follower of Voldemort or any of his practices. I followed along and never answered questions out right. That was one thing that Lucius had taught me well; the gift of bullshitting comes in handy when denying one's roots. No, the only one I had betrayed was Harry. I was throwing out all the hard work he had put forth in making me better. 'I'm so sorry, Harry.'

They were speaking. I still don't know what they said, I was floating in and out of differing states of consciousness. Pain. Cruciatus curse. Nothing, peace. Sting of leather across my chest. Pain. Cruciatus. Peace. Then I was on a table. They took turns with me. I don't know how long it lasted. It seemed for an eternity I lay on the table bleeding and continually violated. Then they were gone.

"Oh, dear." That was a woman that wasn't my mother.

"He's worse than I thought." Who was that man?

"We better hurry before they return."

I was being taken down from the wall. I was laying on something much softer than the floor. I opened my eyes. Nothing was coherent, it was all jumbled and bleary. The man put his hand on my head.

"You poor boy," he said. He was so kind. He didn't hurt me like the others. He was here to help me. How could anyone know where I was and what was going on? How did they get here? How did they find a way in? Were we going to find a way out?

"Shh, you should keep quiet. Everything will be all right," said the woman.

Yes, I suppose things couldn't get any worse than they had been not long ago. These people were here to help me. They were here to take me away from Lucius. They were here to fix me and maybe take me to Harry. I wanted nothing more than to just see him. Maybe hold his hand if that wasn't asking too much.

*****

So what do you think of Draco's disoriented stupor? I rather like it...

Thanks to all who reviewed, you were quite flattering. *blush* Really... 


	4. When The Night Is Long

Body Warnings and Disclaimers: please refer to the first part.

Note: Meg is mine. Ha! an original character. see, I'm not totally uncreative.

When The Night Is Long

Professor Dumbledore;

Harry Potter has just wandered into my flat claiming that something

horrible is about to befall Draco Malfoy. He had a letter from Draco stating

that, and I quote, "He knows. I'm sorry. Don't forget about me." Apparently,

'He' is Lucius Malfoy. Harry is as I write this sitting behind me in hysterics.

Please get hold of Draco Malfoy as quickly as you can. Should you need me,

you know where to find me.

Remus

This was the second claim in less than twelve hours. First the house elf, Dobby, wandered into my office to tell me something similar, although by far more ambiguous and convoluted. The story was the same in as much as no one could give any specifics as to where Draco Malfoy was or what was supposed to happen to him but that he was indeed in danger. Dobby's urgency was enough to convince me to contact Arthur Weasley at the Ministry. He would be the one who would undoubtedly want to catch Lucius Malfoy at whatever would incriminate him in any way, shape, or form. Arthur promised to notify me if anything were to come up and I was to do the same.

With the arrival of Remus's letter, I immediately called Arthur. His head appeared in the fireplace quite quickly. Apparently nothing new had come up.

"Arthur, Remus Lupin has just sent me a letter concerning Draco Malfoy. He says that Harry just wandered into his flat with a letter from Draco himself and it sounded pretty bleak. Have you obtained a search warrant yet?"

"Now I think I may have. Can I have a copy of the letter from Remus? A piece of physical evidence would make this move much faster," he said. After magicking up a copy for Arthur, I threw it into the fire. He smiled.

"Thank you, Albus, I'll keep in touch." And with a slight pop he was gone.

This sudden concern for Draco Malfoy from multiple sources was starting to seriously alarm me. No one had ever been concerned about the boy in a positive sense whatsoever. True, I knew about Harry and Draco sneaking about at night, so Harry's concern didn't shock me so much. The depth of his concern was what alarmed me. Before now, I figured that it was just another school romance type of thing, the likes of which have gone on since the beginning of time. I wasn't concerned for either of their safety, at least they concerned me no more than any of the other young lovers drifting about.

I admit I was rather puzzled at the idea of Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy at the beginning. They were arch rivals in every way. Then I remembered Draco coming back sick at the beginning of the year. Harry had kind of adopted him in a way. There were a few occasions I caught him feeding Draco in some corner of the Hall. Or they would be in the library all weekend. It was peculiar, no doubt, but I trusted Harry to do what he felt was right. I was concerned, but I figured Draco was just going through a bad period of angst coupled with sickness. His father told me that Draco had been ill over the holiday. Bit by some odd bug or something... Draco started to improve so I put it to the back of my mind.

I looked up at the clock on the wall and found that only fifteen minutes had passed since I had spoken with Arthur. This whole affair made me very uneasy. Lucius Malfoy had all the right positions and all the right connections to maintain a clean record to the world. What he did on his home time was anybody's guess. There was of course much speculation as to where his loyalties truly lay. He was rumoured to be a Death Eater, but there was no evidence that this was fact. I was hoping that Arthur would find such evidence.

Another owl swooped in the window and landed on the desk, out of breath. I went to it and detached the letter from it's leg before giving it water. This letter was also from Remus. Apparently Harry's uncle had gotten hold of the letter from Draco and threw him out of the house. It was also apparent that there was no hope in Harry going back. This was a rather unpleasant complication. Harry was safe at the Dursleys, and now I would have to make the flat that Remus was in the same kind of safe.

There was no way I was going to get any sleep. I had to wait to hear from Arthur and instead of making myself mad by doing nothing, I decided to work on the charm to hide Harry when he was within the flat. This was a rather more delicate business than the charm I had put on the Dursley house because that was one whole area. The flat was just one piece of a whole. This was going to have to be very precise.

About an hour after sitting down to work, the door to my office burst open and in walked Arthur and a Ministry worker by the name of Meg Parika. Both were looking very flushed and worried.

"Have a seat, both of you." They sat on the other side of the desk as I magicked a pot of very strong tea for them. I poured them each a cup before sitting down myself.

"Tell me what has happened," I told Arthur.

He took a deep breath before starting. "Well, we found Draco Malfoy," he started.

"Is he all right?" I asked.

"That depends on your definition of all right. He's alive and that's about as much as I can say for him right now."

"Where is he right now?"

"He's in the infirmary. Poppy is taking care of him. Albus, I've never seen anything so horrible in all my life..." he trailed off. There was something he was holding back. I was wondering just how bad the situation really was.

"What do you mean? What happened to him?"

"We found him chained to the wall of a cell in the dungeon. He..." he choked. This was obviously very difficult. I nodded for him to continue. "He was covered in blood from head to foot. He was beaten within an inch of his life, Albus. Had we gotten there five minutes later... I don't even want to think about it." He sipped his tea and just stared at me.

"I take it that Lucius was not there, then."

"No, he wasn't. Narcissa showed us where to find Draco," Meg told me.

"Do you honestly mean to tell me that she knew what was going on?" I was in total disbelief at this latest fact. I knew that Narcissa was not a warmhearted creature by any means, but I didn't know that she would stand back and let her own son bleed to death.

"She knew, but there was nothing she could have done. Think about who we are dealing with here. At least she was cooperative," Meg said. She was quite right in this point. Narcissa Malfoy was not the one we were after. "She wanted us to get Draco out, you know."

I sat rubbing my temples. He was alive and he was safe. That was the important thing. Harry needed to know. I wrote a quick note and sent it off with the owl that was finally starting to perk up again. Arthur and Meg sat silent the whole while. They were probably trying to figure out the best way of dealing with what they had just witnessed. I was trying to deal with what I had just heard.

"There is little more you can do here tonight. Thank you both very much for all you have done. Please go home and I will talk to you in the morning. Should anything happen, I will be sure to keep you posted, but there is no sense in worrying tonight," I finally told them. Arthur nodded and stood up, Meg following his lead.

"Good night, Sir," she said quietly.

"Good night, Meg. Good night, Arthur."

"Good night."

After they left there was an odd emptiness in the air. The evening was surreal without a doubt, but it went deeper than that. Lucius Malfoy had left his son chained to a dungeon wall and bleeding to death. His only son without whom the Malfoy bloodline would die. Apparently he had no use for such things as an heir. Those who were in the service of Lord Voldemort tended to have warped ideals. Perhaps Voldemort had promised them immortality. Perhaps just a second chance. At that point none of that mattered. All that mattered was that Draco was alive and safe.

The opening of the door disrupted my thoughts. I looked up to see Poppy Pomfrey at the door. I gestured for her to have a seat, which she took. She was looking as bad if not worse than Arthur Weasley had looked when he walked into my office.

"Poppy, how are you holding up?" I asked, pouring her a cup of the leftover tea, it still being hot.

"How I am holding up is not the matter at hand," she snapped.

"Fair enough."

"He's worse than I thought...." she trailed off.

"What do you mean? Is he all right?"

"He's going to live, if that's the question," she snapped again. Now was not a time to take what she said lightly. Poppy was more deadly serious than I had ever seen her before.

"Calm down, dear, and just tell me what happened and what we can do to make it right."

She sighed as if to prepare herself. She looked me in the eye and said, "There are signs of rape all over him, Albus. I don't know by who or for that matter by how many, but..." She was trying not to cry. "But honestly this is the worst I have ever seen." With that she really did start crying.

I went around to her side of the desk and tried to comfort her as best I could. This was all more than I was willing to believe. This was all more than beyond my wildest dreams. The amount of abuse and torture that Draco had withstood was shocking. Rape, brutality, bleeding to death against a cold, stone wall in his father's dungeon... Lucius Malfoy was going to go to Azkaban if I had anything to say about it. In all honesty, that was not what I was thinking at the time. I was thinking up far worse punishments than that, but there was no point in entertaining vengeful ideas. Justice is more important than vengeance, no matter how severe the crime.

Poppy had started to relax and her breathing was returning to normal. I poured her another cup and sat in the seat next to her. She was looking very much like there was more she wanted to say. After a moment she looked up at me.

"Albus?" she started.

"Yes, dear?"

"Do you really think there's anything we can do? I mean, do you think that this will be enough to snag Lucius Malfoy for good?"

"Hmmm. That is a very good question. In fact, it is the same question I have been asking myself. If Draco is as bad as you say he is, then I think we'll have a strong case. There are witnesses, Arthur, Meg, and yourself included. Not even Lucius's positions and connections can help him out of this mess. This time he made a mistake. He left evidence and he hurt a child."

"His own child," she interrupted.

"Who is staying with him, dear?" I was wanting to change the subject. I couldn't bear to think of what horrors that man inflicted upon his child, his only son.

"Severus is sitting with him. He's asleep, I daresay."

"Severus? That's not very efficient, is it?" I was trying to lighten the situation a little, and I think it worked, for she smiled a little. "I shall accompany you to the infirmary, then, shall I?" She hooked her arm in my own and we set off for the infirmary to look in on Draco Malfoy.

He was more fragile and hurt than anything I had ever seen before. He was bruised and there were a few marks across his face, but Poppy had done a good job in healing him. He was asleep and this probably made his mending less painful. Severus was sitting next to him, a blank expression on his face. We three stood together for a long while before the silence was broken.

"I don't know how I could ever have been associated with such a loathsome group of people," Severus whispered just audibly enough for us to hear him. "I knew they were evil, but the degree... I never knew any of them had it in them to use a child as a toy like that. I guess there are fates worse than death."

"There are many fates worse than death, but I am hoping that Draco will be able to overcome what has happened to him. Given time, perhaps, and the right people... But he will never go through what he went through again," I said. He looked up at me and for the first time in many years I saw a tear in Severus Snape's eye.

"This is the last, you know," he said.

"The last what?"

"The last victim. They will never hurt another creature again and I will make it my personal mission to see that none of them get off. I will personally make it my life's mission to see Lord Voldemort fall. And he will fall like he has never fallen before," he said. There was pure, undisguised hatred in his voice. When Snape had come to me to beg forgiveness for the things he had done, he truly was sorry. He truly did want to turn the other cheek. The remorse he had then was nothing like the remorse he had now. Funny. I had never thought it would take such a thing to make Severus Snape's heart warm. He was not evil, he just didn't know how to show any kind of emotion. He never did, not since he first came to Hogwarts. And now he was telling me that he had reached the end of his rope because of what his former cohorts had done to a child. I was proud of him for leaving Voldemort. I was more proud of him now for showing simple emotion. "And Harry Potter will be there to watch it unfold. I think I owe him that much," he finished. Without another word, he swept silently from the room.

I was rather proud of Severus. He had mentioned Harry Potter in a kind way. He had never liked Harry, in fact, I always thought he despised him. Severus was growing up and leaving his pettiness behind. He was putting his past behind him and to me that said more for him than for him to come back to this side to begin with. He showed more strength in character tonight than he had in over seventeen years.

I took his empty seat beside the bed with the sleeping boy and resigned myself to a night of watchful sleep. Just because one's eyes are closed does not mean they cannot see.

*****

I tried to do Dumbledore. Did I do okay, or should I stick to what I know? Please review, I so love your opinions. Cheers! 


	5. She Killed His Past With Her Kiss

Body Disclaimers and Warnings: please refer back to part 1. thanks.

Note: Snape has a heart. SHOCK!!

She Killed His Past With Her Kiss

What the hell was going on? I had been here for a few minutes, bandaging up my hand which I had burned while concocting a truth serum when Arthur Weasley and some other woman from the Ministry came in. They were carrying a stretcher with a very bloody creature on it. Upon closer inspection it turned out to be none other than Draco Malfoy.

To say that I was shocked would be a gross understatement. One look at Draco told me what had befallen him. His father had undoubtedly found out about him and Harry Potter and was punishing him for shaming the family name. That was all Lucius was ever about, his bloody fucking familial pride. How he found out, I did not then know. At Hogwarts it was not a secret, we all had seen Harry taking care of Draco. I was keeping them paired up in Potions as when they worked together they worked better even than Hermione Granger. But how it had gotten out...

Poppy was talking to Arthur and the Ministry worker as she was cleaning Draco up. I seemed to have been frozen to my spot against the wall, watching them. I was suddenly overtaken by memories of my time with the Death Eaters. Lucius had been in charge of the Muggle tortures and it would seem that he had taken his expertise to a new level with his own son. Never in all the time I had spent with the Death Eaters had I ever seen anything so brutal in my life. After all the blood was cleared away Draco's wounds were laid bare. The gashes across his chest and stomach had cut clear through to the bone. He was black and blue.

It was when they turned him over that I nearly lost it. His back was as bad as his front, but there was a steady trickle of blood running from between his legs. I had to run to the toilet before I made a mess all over the floor. The last thing Poppy needed was for me to lose my lunch all over her infirmary. I sat in the bathroom for a long time afterwards, only leaving when Poppy asked me to sit with Draco.

Sitting next to the sleeping form of Draco Malfoy, I thought of all the things I had done. How I ever went to Voldemort's side, I will never know. I don't know that I could ever really stomach the atrocities they inflicted upon the innocent. This was why I was rarely around when it came time to fight a battle. I left for Hogwarts as soon as I could. It took courage to leave Voldemort's army. Those who left did not generally live to see the following morning, let alone almost another twenty years. All my sins were seeping to the forefront of my mind. Things I had not thought about in years were flashing in my brain like some grotesque picture show.

Had my life played out just the slightest bit differently, that could be my own son I was sitting next to. That could be my own son who had been tortured and abused. The thought scared me. I had done horrid things to other people's children and here I was imagining the tables being turned. I have never felt like such a worthless human being in all my life as I did sitting next to the broken form of Draco Malfoy. The people who had done the same thing countless times over many years were once my friends. They were once my family. I was once one of them. I was a part of an organization that ritualistically raped and murdered children.

Dumbledore forgave me. Why, and even more significantly was how, he did it, I will never know. I was, twenty years after the fact, more sorry than I had ever been before. For thirteen years I had put my past in the back of my mind. Two years ago I could scarce believe that Voldemort had indeed returned. I was afraid like never before. But Harry Potter had escaped him. Harry Potter had given me a shred of hope. No one had ever walked away from face to face contact with Lord Voldemort and Harry had not only walked away, but made a fool of Voldemort in the process.

Dumbledore and Poppy were standing beside me. Silence lay like a blanket over the room. We were all absorbing what had happened in our own ways.

"I don't know how I could ever have been associated with such a loathsome group of people. I knew they were evil, but the degree... I never knew any of them had it in them to use a child as a toy like that." I was disgusted and sad for Draco. "I guess there are fates worse than death."

"There are many fates worse than death, but I am hoping that Draco will be able to overcome what has happened to him. Given time perhaps, and the right people..." Dumbledore trailed off. His voice betrayed the emotion he was trying to keep in check. That was the same kind of emotion I was trying to keep in check within myself. "But he will never go through what he went through again," he finished.

What he went through was more than I could imagine beyond my wildest dreams. Involuntarily, my eyes filled with tears, and I fought with all my might not to let them spill. "This is the last, you know," I told Dumbledore.

"The last what?"

"The last victim. They will never hurt another creature again and I will make it my personal mission to make sure that none of them get off. I will personally make it my life's mission to see Lord Voldemort fall. And he will fall like he has never fallen before." I had reached the end of my rope. I was starting to crack and the only thing I could think was how I was going to make them pay for what they did to this boy. This boy that others depended on. "And Harry Potter will be there to watch it unfold. I think I owe him that much," I said.

I had to get out of there before I burst into tears in front of those two. Although there were no two people in the world who would understand more, I couldn't do that. I went to the dungeons and to my private rooms. There were things I had to do here and things to come to terms with.

Thinking about Harry had opened another old wound. I sat on the bed and pulled a leather-bound album from underneath. This was the only item I owned that showed my life in any way. There was no diary, no journal, nothing more than this photo album. I opened to the first page which showed a few pictures of my parents, smiling and waving from some other planet. My parents had long since passed away, but they were not the reason I had brought this out. After flipping through a few more pages of almost forgotten people I came to what I was looking for.

There, in the middle of the page, was James Potter, smiling and batting his eyelashes at me. He used to do that a lot. He thought he was cute when he pretended to be innocent. And he was, without a doubt. I could almost hear him saying, "You're pretty when you're squicked, you know." That was his favourite word, squick. He thought it was funny when spoken aloud. James was such a simply charming individual.

Twenty years had not dulled the pain in my chest at the memory of James Potter. True, we had been arch rivals in school. It was true also that he had saved my life after his friends had tried to do me in. But the postscript to that story was one that no one knew about. James and I had made peace with each other, but it went deeper even than that. We had become lovers over a period of time. I was thinking that after we had gotten out of school we would set out into the world together. Silly dreams that were the product of an immature mind. James had fallen for Lily Evans harder than he had fallen for me. He hurt me, so I took revenge by joining Lucius Malfoy and Lord Voldemort. I was not a Death Eater for long before I left for Hogwarts. I knew it was pettiness forcing me to fight on the wrong side. It was a difficult thing to do as James and Lily were quite close to Dumbledore. I saw them frequently and it hurt very deeply to see James with someone other than myself.

I remember the first time I saw his baby son, Harry. He was there to see Dumbledore and had Harry with him. Lily was off somewhere else in the school at the moment, and I just happened to pass James on his way to Dumbledore's office. He smiled when he saw me, which was rather peculiar. Things had not been pleasant between us since I became a Death Eater.

"Severus, how are you?" he said jovially. That was James.

"Well, and yourself?" I was trying to keep my tone light. I missed him so bad and he was standing so close to me and yet so far away that it hurt.

"Great. Have you met my son, Harry, yet?" he said, grinning. His son. That kind of hurt. I was definitely glad for him, don't get me wrong, I was just highly disappointed in the way things had panned out.

"No, actually, I haven't. How old is he?" I asked, smiling back at him. James was the kind of person whose mood spread to everyone around him. He had handed him to me and I was looking down at a miniature version of James himself. Only with Lily's eyes. It felt very odd to be holding the child of the love of my life and it had nothing to do with me.

"He's almost three months." He was standing there trying not to burst with pride. As much as I wanted to hate James and Harry both, at that moment I was totally incapable. I found myself grinning back at him as I gave him his son.

"Beautiful child, James. He looks just like you..." I trailed off. A rather uncomfortable silence was starting to fall. I didn't want to turn this into an awkward situation. "And how is Lily?" I asked, desperately wanting to change the subject.

"She's doing well. I think she's off with Minerva at the moment, actually," he said.

"Give her my best, will you?" I said.

"Of course. It was good to see you, Severus," he said a little lower than usual. There was something in his voice I had not heard in a very long time. This only proved to torture me with a new intensity.

"Always a pleasure, James Dear." Oh, dear. That was the wrong thing to say. I had not called him that in years. He only smiled and continued on his way.

I couldn't help but watch him as he walked away. I seemed to have been frozen to the spot for a very long time. That was the first time I had seen him alone in months. It was the last time I would ever see him again. He did not come back to Hogwarts after that, or I didn't see him if he did. Then I read in the paper about how Harry Potter was dubbed the Boy Who Lived and had caused the Dark Lord to fall. I read about his death in the paper. I didn't want to believe that what I was reading was true. James couldn't be dead. And his son was alive.

I had come to resent and even despise Harry since our first meeting. Not because of him, but because he was the representation of my broken romance with his father. And when he came back to Hogwarts eleven years later I hated him just as fiercely. Actually, I think I hated him more and more with every passing year as with every passing year he looked more and more like James. James with Lily's eyes.

My opinion of Harry changed greatly over the past year with the way he helped Draco. They'd been absolutely horrible to each other since they came to school, and yet when Draco was in need Harry stood up when no one else would. He'd been able to put his pettiness behind him so easily and I envied him that. He truly was a noble creature and deserving of all the praise he received. Harry was the same kind of noble creature his father was.

By the time I came out of my reverie it was well past one o'clock. My mind was too full to try to sleep, so I wandered the halls. That was probably my favourite part of working at Hogwarts; I was allowed to wander the halls without getting into trouble. There was something winding around my legs. Mrs. Norris. The students hated her, and I didn't blame them, but I had gotten on her good side. I scratched her ears and magicked a couple of mice for her. She gave me a kind of cat thank you and ran after her mice.

"Oh, it's just you." Filch's voice came from behind me, making me start. "What're you so jumpy about?"

"Nothing, I just wasn't expecting to see anyone, that's all. Haven't you figured out that I'm nice to your cat yet?" I said in a kind of irritated fashion.

"I's just wondering what you're doing wandering the halls is all. Dangerous thing to do this day and age." That was so like Filch to sound like an old man. He'd sounded like an old man ever since I could remember.

"I was on my way to the infirmary," I said. I really didn't know where I was going, but as I was heading in that direction, that seemed like a destination.

"How's he?" he asked, his brow furrowing. Never had I ever heard Filch ask about a student's well being. He hated them for being magickal. Poor Filch was a Squib.

"I don't know. He was pretty beat up when he came in, but I imagine Poppy's been working on him."

He nodded, gave a slight wave, and disappeared around the corner. So Filch was human after all. I felt slightly guilty for my cynicism, but after twenty some years knowing the man as a heartless git, I just couldn't help it.

Dumbledore was sitting in the same seat I was in when I returned. I took a chair on the opposite side and assumed the same position as he. Figuring I was staying here through the night, I settled myself in.

Draco was looking slightly better. The gashes across his face were now no more than pink lines. The bruises were taking longer, but bruises always do. By morning he would be almost completely healed. He would be sore for a week or two, maybe, but the worst was over. What was going to happen when he awoke worried me. How would anyone explain to him what had happened? But there was no point in worrying about this now. The most important things were out of the way. Draco was safe and Lucius was going to die. Slowly.

*****

Snape _would_ be on Mrs. Norris's good side, wouldn't he?

Thanks to GSKrissy, Lynn, Nykto, Allie Potter, Rubicon, Padfoot Lover, and the Goddess Shinigami. Infinite thanks for taking the time to flatter little ol' me. *blushes* You're dolls! Cheers! 


	6. Partners In Light

Body Warnings and Disclaimers: a little more disturbing than usual, even for me. please refer to part one for all the rest. thanx.

Note: i've thrown in a bit of a Clockwork Orange reference for all you lovely fans. actually, this is more like the third or fourth. did you catch the first? it is in the first chapter. five points to whoever did. Rubicon, this does not mean you.

Partners In Light

'What the hell is that?' I thought upon hearing the tapping on the window. After I'd found my glasses I opened the window and Remus's exhausted owl fell inside. I picked it up and laid it on the bed before detaching the letter from it's leg. It was from Dumbledore and it was addressed to me. With trembling hands I unfolded the parchment.

Harry,

We now have Mr. Malfoy in our care and he is fine. Madame Pomfrey

is looking after him. I will not say more now, as I am quite sure the rest of this

needs to be said in person. There will be a car for you at 8:00 in the morning. I

expect all three of you here.

Albus Dumbledore

Draco was at Hogwarts and he was fine! This was more than I would dare to hope. I had half convinced myself that he was never coming back to me alive. I reread that first sentence over and again about a thousand times before I was satisfied that it was for real. Then I reread the whole thing and my heart sank. What could there be to discuss only in person? There were a multitude of things, for certain, but I immediately started thinking the worst.

Even if he truly were fine, there were undoubtedly going to be things very wrong with him. I wondered what had happened when he left the train station. Even if no horrible acts had been committed upon his person, there was probably some serious emotional trauma. Then again, why would Madame Pomfrey be looking after him if his person was intact? How bad off was he really?

Eight o'clock didn't come soon enough. There was no sleep for me to have after the owl from Dumbledore. I was laying in bed when Remus and Sirius woke up and made coffee. I only got out of bed after Sirius had poked his head in the door.

"Good morning," he said, smiling.

"Good morning."

"How long have you been up?"

"Since three o'clock this morning. Dumbledore sent an owl saying that there will be a car to pick all three of us up at eight. Are you all right, Sirius? You look rather puzzled."

"Yes, I'm all right, but what is this all about? Slow down when you talk, I'll be able to understand you better," he said lightly. He was still groggy and I threw a lot of words at him at once.

"Dumbledore sent an owl saying that Draco is at Hogwarts and he is sending a car to pick all three of us up at eight o'clock. He said there were things that needed to be said in person," I explained as plainly as I possibly could. He thought a moment, then nodded.

"We'll hurry, then, and you might, as well. It's already after seven, you know," he told me as he left the room.

After getting dressed there was little more to do than just wait. I sat at the table and drank several cups of very strong coffee to like prepare myself for a very long morning. Admittedly, I needed a little sobering up before I would be ready to face the inevitable. I knew that no matter what, Draco was going to be in a horrible state when I got there and I did not want to fall to pieces in front of everyone. No, everything was going to be fine and everything was going to be taken care of.

After Sirius had transformed into the huge black dog, we left. There was a youngish looking wizard in blue robes waiting for us just outside the front doors of the flatbuilding. He opened the door for us and jumped inside himself. He started the car and as soon as we started moving we were driving up towards Hogwarts Castle. The jolt in the car was nothing like the jolting of the Knight Bus, so it was relatively painless. The castle looked much bigger than it did when school was in session. Perhaps this was due to the fact that I was visiting it under no educational pretence. I was becoming very panicky about what was going to happen.

Much to my surprise, the car pulled up directly in front of the doors and Snape was standing there. The thing that really surprised me was the lack of his usual sour expression and the lack of murderous intent in his eyes when his gaze fell upon me. Instead of the usual murderous glint there was something like guilt, respect, sorrow, and exhaustion all mixed together. I wondered exactly what was going on and why Snape looked and felt so much different than usual. He led us through the front doors and through the winding hallways and staircases to Dumbledore's office.

Snape gave the password and the gargoyle jumped aside. Only Remus, Sirius, and I went up the stairs to the office itself; Snape had gone the opposite direction. Apparently, whatever was about to unfold did not concern any others than us. After passing the many portraits of former headmasters, we reached the main of the office. Dumbledore was sitting behind the desk, engrossed in some bit of parchment before him. A moment later he looked up as though he just realized we were standing there.

"Oh, dear. I apologize, I didn't realize you were here already. I would like to have a word with Harry before anything else," he told Sirius (who had assumed his natural form) and Remus.

They nodded respectfully and left the room, shutting the door behind them. I was becoming increasingly nervous. It seemed an eternity that Dumbledore sat there composing his thoughts before he actually spoke.

"Harry, I'm afraid I have some rather disturbing news," he said, choosing his words carefully.

"Is he okay?" I asked without really meaning to. I was desperate to see Draco and find out the state of his well-being, but I didn't want to be interrupting Dumbledore in the process. He didn't seem irritated with me, he just sighed and sat back.

"I find that in situations like these, honesty is the best policy. You are now a young man and no longer a child." I didn't like the way he was saying this. This was far worse than I had anticipated. His words seemed to be causing him pain. He took a breath before continuing. "Last night Arthur Weasley and Meg Parika found Draco..." he trailed off. He obviously didn't quite know how to say whatever it was he had to say.

"What do you mean they found him?" I was inches away from full fledged panic.

"They secured a search warrant and searched Malfoy Manor. You were quite right in thinking that something horrible was happening to him. He was- He was chained to the wall in one of the dungeons." Chained in a dungeon? "He was bleeding to death from slash wounds over his entire body. He was raped repeatedly, although how repeatedly I can not say. I am only telling you these things so that you are prepared for what you are going to see."

This was too much. I couldn't believe that I let him go home to that. I watched him leave the train station. I saw him less than twenty four hours ago. How could this be happening? I started to cry, I was so angry at myself and at Lucius and at the whole stinking world. I thought I had it bad having no parents at all, but Draco had it worse for what his parents did to him. Dumbledore had come round to my side of the desk and rested a hand on my shoulder. When I looked up at him, he looked far older and more tired than I had ever seen him.

"He's alive, Harry, and that is what matters. He's alive and he is in a safe place."

"Can I see him?"

"Yes, he is sleeping at the moment, but I'm sure that Madame Pomfrey would not object to you sitting with him."

"Thank you, Sir," I said before I left.

I was in a daze as I walked to the infirmary. My feet took me there with no help from my mind. I was moving not of my own volition but dazed stupor. My head was full of thoughts and pictures of what had gone on in Lucius Malfoy's dungeon not twenty four hours ago. I was still baffled at how Lucius had found out about us. No one knew. No one knew just how deep it went between me and Draco. And it went so deep no knife could cut it out. It went so deep that I thought I was going to die myself.

"Hallo, Harry," Madame Pomfrey said when I entered the infirmary. "Draco is asleep, but you're welcome to sit with him until he wakes up."

The curtain hiding the bed that Draco was in was almost scary. It was like the doorway to some other universe that no one but Draco was a part of. It was like a symbol of his seclusion and reminded me in a very sick way of the dungeon he was chained inside. But then again, I was going behind that curtain with him and in a way that made it all okay.

As I pulled the curtain away, Draco came into view. He was so thin and pale and there were bruises all over him; his person looked entirely black and blue. I sat in the chair beside the bed and picked up his hand. There were no bruises on it, though his wrist was quite limp. His wrist had a black ring around it; apparently this was where the shackles had cut into him. I pressed my forehead against the back of his hand. He was warm. That was one positive thing. A twitch? I looked up to see him smiling weakly at me.

"Hi," I whispered.

"Are you really here or have I died and gone to heaven?" he asked. He was being his typically romantic self. This was more than just slightly reassuring. I couldn't help but grin at him.

"Is there a difference?" I played with him back.

"Not really, now that I think about it. When did you get here?"

"Just a minute ago. I didn't wake you, did I?"

"It's probably time that I woke up anyway. I have no idea how long I've been sleeping. Do you know?" He sounded so innocent. He sounded so untainted by all the horrors that had been inflicted upon him time and again.

"No, darling, I don't know. Quite a while I imagine."

He smiled. "You've never called me that before," he said.

"Called you what?"

"Darling."

I blushed. Draco and I never really used pet names for each other. Now that I think about it, I'm not really sure why. Some things come with time perhaps. "I guess I just...." and I couldn't finish.

"Are you apologizing?"

"No."

"Good."

"Why's that?"

"Because if you were I might have to be highly disappointed," he said with a smile on his face. The last thing I was expecting was to see him smile. Especially in the loving way that he had since we first made love. Before that it was always slightly awkward and not as full as it had become. I guess there are some things one can gain from a physical relationship that one might not find otherwise...

Madame Pomfrey poked her head around the curtain. "Hello, there, nice to see that you've come to. I was afraid that the sleeping potion I gave you was too potent."

"No, it wasn't I don't think. How long have I been here?"

She sighed. "Since about ten o'clock last night."

He seemed thoughtful for a moment. "Five hours." Madame Pomfrey and I just looked at each other. "That was probably the shortest amount of time I have ever spent in the dungeon. I wonder how long it would have taken me to die," he like mused out loud. I was horrified at the lack of emotion behind these statements. It was as though he gave it no more thought than he would a cup of tea. It was like he was too used to the idea to let it affect him. It was like it was just another part of everyday life.

We stared at him with undisguised horror on our faces. He looked over at me and then at Madame Pomfrey. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you," he said as though he were apologizing for nothing more than a slip of the tongue. "I guess it just doesn't hurt anymore. It's over, after all, right? I mean, there's no way he'll ever be able to touch me again, is there?" he asked with a panicked note to his voice. I knew that there was no way Dumbledore would let Lucius have his son back. After what he did, a life sentence in Azkaban was more than given.

"No, sweetheart, you'll never have to see him again," Madame Pomfrey said, smiling warmly. He relaxed again and let her look him over. When she was satisfied, she gave him a mixture of sleeping and healing potions. "The more you sleep, the less painful this will be for you, dear. Just get some rest. Harry, perhaps we best leave him."

"NO!" Draco shouted. "He stays."

"All right, then. Just calm down, it's all right." She frowned at me. "Rub this on his ankles, if you feel like making yourself useful, then," she said as she handed me some kind of joint ointment. She gave Draco and I one last reproving look before going away.

"You know, Harry, I really love you," he said as he drifted off into sleep. I couldn't help but giggle at his tired admission of love. He was so bloody adorable when he was delirious.

Watching him sleep was nothing short of gorgeousness and gorgeosity made flesh. The steady rise and fall of his chest was thoroughly stunning. Mostly because this was peaceful. There was no Lucius to go home to. There were no more horrors to look forward to. There was a new life starting for Draco. A life without torture and rape and brutality. And I was going to be there for it. I was going to be there every step of the way no matter how hard it would inevitably be. Draco needed me and I needed him as deeply. He was like another part of me. He was my opposite in so many ways, but my equal in every way. Our differences were just our differences, not our downfalls. In the end, Draco was my other half and nothing was going to come between us ever again.

*****

Thanks once again to those who reviewed. I promise things will get better for Harry and Draco. *giggles* Yes, I will definitely have to lighten this up before too long; I'm even starting to depressed myself. Anyway, thanks and cheers! 


	7. A Grey Surprise

Body Disclaimer: None of these characters are mine, they all belong to J.K. Rowling and NO, I am not making anything from these stories except for wonderful praise. *grins*

Warnings: this is mild, but it is still slash. that is, there are boys who like boys. there are also some other traumatic themes that might not be suitable for those with clean minds. I am warning you so as not to receive a bunch of hateful reviews. I always value creative criticism, but I do not dig being told I am a repulsive slime. I know it already, so there!

Note: Sorry it has taken me so long to get this up. It's getting more complex than I first expected. And I have been spending too much time away from my computer. I actually have a job. *whimpers* Ahck. Such is life. Anyhow, lots of love and kisses, my darlings. Review! Cheers.

A Grey Surprise

Remus and I were pacing the hallway in front of the entrance to Dumbledore's office. I wasn't worried that he asked us to leave, I was worried that he wouldn't let us keep Harry. Yes, I am fully aware that I have a totally one-track mind. I was getting lost in my thoughts when Harry came out and just drifted away. The poor boy was going through something I had never gone through in all my life. His lover was lying in a hospital bed in the infirmary. I still had no idea why, Harry had forgotten to mention the how of the whole thing.

"Come," Remus said as he led the way up to Dumbledore's office. Dumbledore was now pacing the room with a very concerned look on his face. When we entered he stopped, but only briefly.

"Sit, please. We need to discuss a few things," he said. We sat in the chairs and he sat on the edge of the desk. "First, Harry is no longer allowed at his aunt and uncle's house, correct?"

"Right. He was in hysterics last night when he showed up. He told me that his uncle found out that he prefers... er... an alternative lifestyle, and they did not see eye to eye on the subject," Remus said.

"I figured about as much. So, what are your thoughts on the subject?" he said knowingly. Of course he would know that I was preparing myself to fight to keep Harry in my care. Dumbledore was perceptive like that.

"I can't believe the man threw him out because..." Remus started in a deadly low voice.

"That's not quite what I mean, Remus," Dumbledore said, laughing.

"Oh," he replied, straightening. It finally dawned on him. "Oh, yes! You mean about where Harry is going to live, right?"

"Yes, that was what I was getting at," he said, sobering with a great effort.

"Well, Sir, we would be willing-"

"More than willing," I interjected.

"Absolutely ecstatic if Harry could come and live with us."

"You are sure you want to?" he asked with a smile spreading over his features.

"We have both, and Sirius especially, been wanting this for a very long time," he replied.

Dumbledore smiled before saying, "Yes, I think that now is the time that you had a chance to raise him. You can't do any worse than the Dursleys, can you?" he laughed.

He was quite right, after all. Remus and I started laughing along with him; I because my godson would finally be close to me, Remus because we would be doing this together. Dumbledore sobered and us a little after, we were both still too excited.

"Now I would like to discuss this matter of Draco Malfoy being in the position he is presently in," he said gravely. Of course, we would have to discuss this at some point.

"Yes, what is going on? I've only gotten a very nondescript version of events through sobs," Remus said.

"Draco had a very rough night. Arthur Weasley and his assistant, Meg Parika, found him in his father's dungeon, dying." Oh, dear. "Apparently there is more to this story than I know as far as Draco's past with Harry is concerned. I do know, however, that Draco was sick and Harry sort of adopted him at the beginning of the school year and nursed him back to health. His father told me that he was taken ill over the summer, but there is now doubt as to the accuracy of this story. Only he and Harry know what is really going on, so I'm afraid that I can't be much help in telling the why's and wherefor's of the thing. To be honest, I know very little myself, now to think about it." He stopped and scratched his chin; Dumbledore could be an odd character at times.

"Who did this to him?" I asked. I already knew, I think I just didn't want to believe it.

"From my understanding, it was Lucius Malfoy and the other Death Eaters." Oh, dear. How had he gotten away? How had they saved him in time?

"Do you mean to say that you found proof of Lucius Malfoy being a Death Eater?" Remus managed to stammer out. Oh, yes! That thought never occurred to me.

"I think that this is testimony enough to where his loyalties lay. Would any average individual attempt at killing their one and only offspring, thus cutting off the bloodline of an old wizarding family?" I pointed out. "I know that Lucius Malfoy is not altogether straight in the head. But he's also not just some random lunatic who performed a random act of violence. He just doesn't fit the description. There had to be some other motive behind what he did."

"That may be so, Sirius, but at the moment, that is neither here nor there. What I am wanting to discuss with you at the moment is Draco's final destination," he said.

"What exactly do you mean by final destination?" I asked.

"Well, he cannot stay at Hogwarts much longer. He will be healed by this evening and I need to get him out as soon as possible. There are many enchantments that need to be placed on a variety of places, this one included. There can be no one about that is not performing magick of some kind; it is simply no place for anyone to be wandering about. What I am asking you is to take Draco home with you. There is nowhere else I can send him that I know will be safe."

Draco had nowhere to go. The son of one of the most respected wizards in Britain had nowhere else to go. This was a rather sad thought in a way. The boy had nothing going for him, kind of like Harry. They were both so very alone. I was starting to understand their relationship a little better. Dumbledore was asking us to take him in. He had nowhere to go but maybe with Harry. Dumbledore would never have asked either of us to adopt any kid for any period of time. We were the last two people he would have asked. As it was turning out, he really had reached the end of the list.

Remus and I looked at each other with what I knew were the same expressions. Apparently, he was as much at a loss for words as I was. My first thought was, 'How will four people live in one tiny flat all at once?' And then I decided that we would have to make do with what we could. He seemed to have come to the same conclusion about the same time that I did.

"Of course we'll take him in, but how are we going to fit four people into that little space together all the time?" Remus thought out loud to no one in particular.

"Then I will have someone find a house. Don't worry about all your things, they will be there whenever we get you to where you will be. In the meantime, thank you for all your help. I was afraid I would have nowhere to send him. Thank you," he said. He stood and went to the door, saying, "Feel free to go where you please, but please keep within the walls, the enchantments are wearing thin."

"You mentioned that," I said.

"Of course," he said on his way out the door.

The two of us sat there silent together for a few moments, both lost in thought. There were a lot of heavy things that came to pass within a very short period of time. There were a lot of things to absorb in a very short period of time. Life as I had known it for the last few weeks was now only a memory. All of our lives had changed indefinitely; there was no hope in ever going back now. We were going to be moved into a bigger house so that we could look after my godson and his... significant other. This significant other who had gone through some serious trauma, from everything I had been told. Lucius Malfoy was going to fall. Harry was going to live with us. Oh, my dear, Harry had fallen in love. He was still so young. Then again, he did know an awful lot about living life and reading people and situations that most accomplished wizards didn't know. He had the gift (or curse) of maturity, causing Harry to be put on a different level than most. He was far brighter and far more perceptive than any other creature I had ever come across.

How extreme Draco's condition truly was I did not really know. I did not know what to expect from anything at that point. But I couldn't help but wonder what was going to happen when we got home. How was he going to treat Remus and I? How was he going to treat his new situation? How crazy was this boy? Not to sound incorrect or prejudiced, all I mean is that no one could go through what he went through and be perfectly sane. In other words, would he have a nervous breakdown when thrust out of the care of his father? The way I saw it was that if he was away from the abuse, he would start to settle in and relax. Which _was_ what we all wanted, but with him relaxing, he would feel safe enough to start letting out. So how was it going to come out?

"You do realize what we just agreed..."

"We've begged for," I interrupted. I knew what he was going to say. After that many years of friendship and otherwise, we had developed the ability of reading each other's thoughts and finishing each other's sentences.

"This is rather odd, you know?" he said, scratching his chin. "I don't think I ever saw any of this coming."

"How could you see it coming?" He shrugged his shoulders and settled into the chair. "Knut for your thoughts."

"Well, I was just thinking about bringing charges against all these Death Eaters. I mean, what will happen to Voldemort when he loses his closest ring?"

"Probably just build a new one. Unless he can be caught off guard..." I trailed off.

"That is the thing, isn't it? How does one bring down the worst dark wizard the world has seen in five hundred years? He may be the worst _period_. James and Lily died fighting along with countless others."

"Yes, but he failed to kill Harry."

"Several times. And I can't help but wonder what it is that Harry's got that he can fight off dark magick like he can."

"Do you think Harry's got something to do with it, then?"

"Well, if he could find a weakness and play upon it, he might have a shot."

Were we really discussing the possibility of Harry fighting face to face with Voldemort again? Out of choice as opposed to necessity? Who were we to promote that to an undergraduate wizard? 'There is really little behind it, I hope, so I wouldn't worry yourself about letting your mind wander,' the little voice in the back of my mind said. And of course it would be that illusive Rationality that only seems to like to surface when the need has long since passed. 'Besides, the important things are all right and that's all that matters.'

**

It was almost time for us to get on our way and Harry had not yet returned with Draco. He had gone to the infirmary to collect him nearly thirty minutes earlier. Remus and I still had not met the boy as he had spent most of the day asleep in the infirmary. It was already almost ten and we were still not fully rested from lack of sleep the night before. 'If he isn't back in...' I thought as I saw Harry and a rather sickly looking blonde creature descend the stairs.

Draco was not exactly what I was expecting. I couldn't tell you what I was expecting, but I can assure you that it _was not_ that. Standing side by side like that they looked like exact opposites. Harry with his dark hair and vibrant green eyes were a stark comparison to the other boy's white-blonde hair and pale grey eyes. He might have been very pretty had he not looked so beat up. Then it occurred to me that it was like I was looking at an impersonation of James Potter and Lucius Malfoy. They looked like almost clones of their fathers, yet with a feature or two of their mothers. Thank goodness I was transformed when I saw him, I might have had to be mortified at the look on my own face.

Remus was standing there with a rather forced smile. I knew what he thought of anyone with the name Malfoy. He didn't like Draco when he had taught him Defense Against the Dark Arts. Said he was creepy. I would believe that. His appearance even now was quite alarming. 'He'll get better.' As they approached I was becoming less and less sure about what was going to happen. To say I was apprehensive would be a gross understatement. As much as I would like to say that I was a bigger person, I simply could not put my prejudice behind me. Remus and I had gone to school with Lucius. He was not one to mix with.

"Hi, there." He was beaming. He suddenly reminded me of James. "Draco, this is Remus," he said. Remus extended his hand, though I knew how painful it was for him to do that. Then they turned to me. "And this is my godfather, Sirius. Sirius, this is Draco," he finished. Harry was nervous. Draco just cocked his head a bit and held his hand out. I don't think he knew what to expect, but he played along, anyway. He was a good sport. I was already starting to like him. I put my right foot in his hand and he shook it a bit.

"Nice to meet you," he said quietly.

"Likewise, I'm sure," Remus muttered.

I tend to forget that I have no vocal cords when I'm transformed, so it was only natural for me to respond. Of course, it only came out as a strangled kind of squeak. Harry and Remus laughed at me and Draco also seemed to be amused. He smiled and cocked his head again.

"All right," he said to me. He seemed to take that as acceptance on my part. I suppose he did have a certain kind of charm.

"Shall we, then?" Remus said, starting to march out the door.

He seemed extremely interested in getting into the car that was to take us to our new house in some Muggle part of the country. He was so damn exasperating when he was being like that. He was being childish. I was trying to put my prejudices behind me. Draco was quickly winning me over. Just the way he looked at Harry was enough to convince me that the boy wasn't all bad. Why couldn't Remus do the same?

The rest of us followed and joined him in the back of the Ministry car. The short ride was spent in a very awkward silence. Remus seemed to be ignoring the tensity in the air as he always did in situations as those. Harry was watching Draco's obviously disappointed person out of the corner of his eye. Draco was staring down at the floor. This was not starting out at all like I had hoped.

As soon as we had all stepped out of the car, it was gone and we were standing outside a two-story surrounded by trees. As we walked up and into the house I transformed to myself once again. At my full height, the top of my head nearly reached the bottom of the veranda. Inside the front door was the staircase leading to the upper portion of the house that Remus had already retreated to. Downstairs was a relatively small bedroom, a kitchen, a sitting room, and a washer and dryer in a hut just outside the back door. The house was not huge, but it wasn't small, either. It was rather cozy, actually. There was just enough room for all four of us to live comfortably together.

'Remus is probably already finding his things and organizing his books,' I thought rather bitterly as I found Harry and Draco sitting at the table in the kitchen. They had put a pot of tea on, so I figured I might join them. I was not keen on finding Remus at the moment. I was rather disappointed in his reaction to Draco. In all honesty, I did not expect him to so ungracefully accept his new set of circumstances, even if he was not necessarily fond of them. He had not behaved quite like that before in all the time that I had known him. 'He's just getting old before his time.' 'Yeah, and that's the problem,' I thought to myself.

"What's wrong with him?" Harry asked as I sat down.

"He's acting like an old man. I don't honestly know what's wrong with him, although I am rather put off by it, myself." What was I supposed to tell him? "Don't worry, he'll come around."

"Yeah, sure."

"Oh, honestly. Are you really going to let his pettiness put you in such a state?" I asked him. He just looked at me for a moment and then smiled. "That's what I thought. Now how is that tea coming along?"

"Oh, yes," he said, jumping up. He set a cup in front of himself, Draco, and me before pouring it out.

It occurred to me that as there were only two rooms in this house, I was going to have to have that whole responsible sexuality talk with them. I wondered if either of them had been talked to about it before and I found myself becoming increasingly worried about how to face this. Then again, they were both almost seventeen years old, so they couldn't be that uneducated. Still, it was an obligation I had taken on in taking them in.

I looked up to see both of them looking quite expectantly at me. "Will you please relax, honestly. We're going to be in this situation for a while, so we might all do to get used to it as soon as possible."

"Actually, I was just wondering why you had that look on your face," Draco said very quietly.

"What look?"

"Well... Like you were very confused, or kind of sick or something."

I started to laugh. "I'm sorry. I was just thinking," I said, sobering, "it's kind of my obligation to have the whole sexual responsibility talk with you," I started.

"Yeah, we know. Use protection and abstinence is the safest and all the rest. Yes, we know all about that and have been practicing those things already," Harry replied. He frowned all of a sudden and paused. "Not that you really needed to know that...." he trailed off. Draco and I laughed at him.

"Like I said, out of obligation I am having this discussion with you. I know you don't really need guardianship anymore, but you do still need a little guidance. And I just need to do the responsible thing as best as I can."

"Do you have any kids of your own?" Draco suddenly asked.

"No, I don't."

"Oh, I'm sorry, I thought you did."

"Why's that?" I asked. He piqued my curiosity.

"Because you act like you know what you're doing a lot better than my father does," he replied, lowering his gaze to stare at the floor. He looked up at me again before saying, "Then again, the only thing he ever did well was working for the Dark Lord. Fitting, isn't it?"

Harry snorted. I was not wanting to turn the conversation this way tonight. Tomorrow, maybe, but not tonight. "Actually, it is time I think we should all try to sleep. I know I haven't had much of it lately. Anyway, I shall see you in the morning. Sleep well," I said as I left them alone.

**

As I lay next to Remus before falling asleep, I thought about the day. Nothing ceased to amaze me at that point. Things I had never anticipated were presenting themselves in a very overt way. Draco was turning out to be a decent person. I didn't think it was a physical possibility for there to be a single Malfoy with a decent personality. I may not have known him that well at that point, but he was rapidly growing on me. He was not nearly as shy I had expected him to be. Actually, he was in a much better condition than I expected him to be in. It kind of disturbed me, but there had to be a reason for it. Either he had not yet fully absorbed the extent of the things that had happened to him, or he was just wasn't affected by it anymore. There was too much to his story that I just didn't know. There was little point in dreaming up fanciful answers to my questions about his life. All things would be answered in their own time. But I was definitely starting to like him. I approved of Harry's choice. He was a positive individual. Yes, this was going to work out just fine.

*****

I may have been a bit long winded, but I am growing rather fond of this chapter. Do tell me what your opinions. I love hearing what you think of this. And speaking of which, I would like to thank the following for all the lovely and truly flattering reviews: Shadow Maxwell-Yuy, Hades, UserFriendly, GSKrissy, Prongs *blushes* I... I... *blushes deeper* Every chapter! You're just so sweet. *blows a kiss* Really. Rubicon and Padfoot Lover, your flattery is just stunning. *grins* Nykto, stay tuned, I am working very hard on the 'How Lucius Found Out' chapter. I just have to work out a few more minor details... And of course, my luv, the Goddess Shinigami, you are so wonderful to me. Thank you all for making me feel like I can write good. *giggles* Cheers! 


	8. But Not Evil But Estranged

Body Warnings and Disclaimers: please refer to the previous chapter.

But Not Evil But Estranged

Harry was here. But where was here? The infirmary. I was brought here last night. That's right. I had no real memory of it actually happening, but I seemed to know that it had. I opened my eyes and kind of shivered when I saw Harry. He looked up at me, his green eyes filled with concern. I smiled at him. He was the last person I was expecting to see, but the only one I wanted to.

"Hi," he whispered.

"Are you really here, or have I died and gone to heaven?" I replied. He looked like he needed to have his shoulders massaged. Being as I was in no position to do so at the moment, I settled for flattery.

He grinned at me. "Is there a difference?" He was being playful as well.

"Not really, now that I think about it. When did you get here?"

"Just a minute ago. I didn't wake you, did I?"

"It's probably time that I woke up, anyway." Oh, dear. "I have no idea how long I've been sleeping," I said, voicing my thoughts. I looked up at Harry again. "Do you know?"

He just sat there and stared at me for a moment before saying, "No, darling, I don't know. Quite a while, I imagine." He sounded almost apologetic.

'Wait a minute.' I smiled. That was a first. "You've never called me that before," I told him.

He blushed, realizing that that was the first time either one of us had ever used a pet name for the other. "I guess I just..." he trailed off.

"Are you apologizing?" I asked.

"No."

"Good."

"Why's that?"

"Because if you were I would have to be highly disappointed," I explained. The relief he was obviously feeling was flooding over his entire person. He was smiling genuinely now. I was so glad to see him, to say the least. There must be something somewhere that thinks I'm worth it to keep around, because it was amazing what I had just been carried away from. No one escaped the Death Eaters once they had made up their minds that you were going to die. What had happened to me was sheer miracle. Then I remembered thinking that all I wanted was to see Harry and that I just wanted to hold his hand and that was exactly what I was doing at that very moment. Yes, like I have said before, I was blessed.

Madame Pomfrey announced her arrival by throwing the curtain back. She had a goblet that undoubtedly held some kind of sleeping potion or something used to make the gashes across my body heal faster. She set in on the bedside table as she said, "Hello, there, nice to see that you've come to. I was afraid that the sleeping potion I gave you was too potent."

She gave me sleeping potion? "No, it wasn't I don't think." 'Wait a minute.' "How long have I been here?" I asked. I didn't honestly know how long I had been here. I had no sense of time since the car pulled in front of Malfoy Manor whenever it was that the train pulled in the station. I had no idea how long I had been in the dungeon before being taken out by those other people I didn't know.

She sighed. "Since about ten o'clock last night."

If I had been there since ten o'clock last night, that must mean that this was Saturday. We had gotten home at about four thirty. In that case, they must have gotten me out sometime around nine thirty, which meant that... "Five hours." I thought it out loud. I didn't really realize I had said it until I saw the looks on Madame Pomfrey and Harry's faces. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you," I apologized. Then I started to talk, although I didn't really know why. "I guess it just doesn't hurt anymore." And I realized that it really _didn't_ hurt anymore. It was in the past. "It's over, after all, right? I mean, there's no way he'll ever be able to touch me ever again, is there?" I was trying to fight off the urge to cry at the thought of ever going back, no matter how irrational the thought was.

Madame Pomfrey just smiled at me and said, "No, sweetheart, you'll never have to see him again."

I wasn't really all that sure to take her word one hundred percent. But on the other hand, I was no longer in the dungeon and I was certainly not going to go back into his care, or his lack thereof. Would I go with my mother? No, she would most likely be charged with something for not reporting Lucius's activities. She was no longer an option. It was starting to look like I had no options at all.

Madame Pomfrey gave me the goblet to drink. "The more you sleep, the less painful this will be for you, dear. Just get some rest. Harry, perhaps we best leave him," she said, motioning to Harry. He didn't move.

"NO!" I found myself shouting. "He stays." Harry was not going to go anywhere. Now that he was finally at my side, no one was going to take him away from me.

"All right, then. Just calm down, it's all right," she replied, throwing a disapproving glare over both myself and Harry.

The sleeping potion she gave me was starting to take effect. I was starting to drift off as I felt Harry's hands on my ankles. "You know, Harry, I really love you," I told him as quickly as I could as I was rapidly losing control over my mouth. Then I drifted off to sleep.

**

The sky outside was black when I woke next. I must have been asleep all day. Harry was still sitting beside me. He was beaming, truly, like someone's mum. I couldn't help but return it, Harry has one of those personalities that gives off contagious moods.

"What are you grinning about?" I asked him.

"Youwannacomehomewithme?" he said so fast, I didn't catch it.

"One more time, but slow down, please."

"Do you want to come home with me?" he repeated.

"Come home with you?" What was he getting at? How could I go home with him? He lived with the worst Muggles ever to walk the Earth, they weren't going to let Harry take me home with him.

"Yes, come home with me and stay in the same house as me and wake up with me in the morning and--"

"How? Those Muggles won't let you take me home with you."

He seemed thoughtful for a moment, his grin slightly fading. "I don't live with those Muggles anymore," he finally told me.

"What do you mean?"

"They threw me out last night after my uncle read the letter you sent."

"He read the letter I sent?"

"Yes, and he threw me out because I'm a pouf."

"What did I say in that letter?" I was rather aghast at the prospect of Harry being kicked out of his house because of something I had no recollection saying.

"Don't you know?" he asked as though I had committed some horrid faux pas.

"All I remember about that letter was that I wanted to tell you that I love you. I don't honestly remember a whole lot of what happened yesterday at all, let alone a letter I wrote when I was only half conscious," I stammered.

"No, I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I was just wondering, that's all," he apologized. "And that was one of the first things you said, actually." His grin was returning. "And I believe you repeated it several times."

"Which would be how he found out, right? In combination with a signature, I would assume?"

"Righto. But that isn't important at the moment."

"So who are you living with, then?"

"My godfather, Sirius, and Remus Lupin. Remember Lupin? He taught Defense Against the Dark Arts in our third year," he explained.

Oh, dear. He didn't like me at all. I didn't know much about Sirius, except that he had spent twelve years in Azkaban for a crime he didn't commit. I knew the man who had committed it, Peter Pettigrew. But everyone called him Wormtail. He had been at Malfoy Manor on more than one occasion for a multitude of reasons. Mostly on Voldemort's business, of course, but other was pleasure. I shuddered when I thought about him or any of the others that had come to Malfoy Manor for that particular reason.

"Are you okay, Draco?" Harry asked, snapping me out of my current train of thought.

"Yes, I was just thinking...." I trailed off. I didn't know how to explain what I was thinking. I wasn't really thinking anything specifically, just pictures and feelings were flashing through my mind. I was still fighting off the haunting images of Lucius and the other Death Eaters. I always have been, and that will probably never change.

But then there was how I was feeling in the here and now. (Or there and then, as it were.) I really didn't feel all that much about it. It was a part of my life that now seemed so distant and unreal. The aches and pains and scars on my body could have been from anything at all. It could have been a Quidditch accident for all I cared. Whatever it was that had caused it was no longer a part of my life. It wouldn't happen again, so why bother to worry about it? Lucius and the others were going to come down, and that was what was important.

The only other important thing at all was that Harry was at my side and he was going to take me home with him. Not to live with some horrible Muggles, either. Although I was extremely apprehensive about meeting Lupin as a person and not as a teacher. And Sirius as Harry's only family. 'But it is going to work out just fine,' I told myself.

"I wonder what is going to happen to my mother," I said quite suddenly, startling not only Harry, but myself as well. "She'll probably be charged with something as well, won't she? I mean for keeping Lucius's secrets and letting happen what she let happen." Tears were starting to fill my eyes. "I don't want that to happen, you know."

"I know you don't. Tell me about her," Harry whispered.

"She's really a neat lady. She only did what she did because she had to, Harry. Lucius would have had her head if she made one wrong move. And my head as well. He never gave her any keys, you know. She broke enchantments to come and see me in the dungeons. She was probably getting punished for it, now that I think about it. It's just all wrong, Harry." I was sobbing in full force now. Harry was sitting beside me, holding my hand. After a few deep breaths I calmed down enough to speak. "I'm sorry for going to pieces like that, I guess... well, we all need to cry, right?"

He kissed my forehead before responding. "I know I do my fair share." He held me for another moment until Madame Pomfrey appeared, throwing the curtain back once again.

"All right, let us look you over once more. You should be about ready to go. How do you feel, dear?"

"Stiff and sore."

"Yes, that is to be expected. You were pretty broken up when you came in here, you know? You look a million times better now, though." She stood back, smiling as though she were admiring a piece of art she had just finished working on. "Much better, my dear. Don't forget to see me before you leave, all right?"

"Of course," I said, taking a set of robes from her. She closed the curtain again and bustled off to do something else.

"Harry?"

"Yes?"

"Do you think you could help me up? I seem to be having a hard time on my own." I couldn't sit up by myself. It hurt so bad all through my back. Harry had one hand against my back, the other holding my hand. He helped me stand on my feet and really, he deserves most of the credit for getting me dressed. I was rather helpless, standing there feeling like I was breaking in a million different places all at once. At least I was strong enough to support my own weight.

"Are you going to make it all right?" he asked?

"Yes, I'm going to be fine. Just don't let me fall or anything, okay?"

He laughed. "Don't worry."

"With you around? Surely you speak of the impossible."

After a few short kisses and testing my weight on each of my legs, we set off. Madame Pomfrey gave me more potions and ointments for my joints before letting us go. I felt rather ludicrous carrying a bag full of medicines but nothing else. Again the anger at Lucius for making me so helpless was coming over me. I was going to overcome this if it was the last thing I ever did. Harry had to practically carry me down the stairs. The shame of this was only compounded when I saw that Lup- Remus and a great black dog were standing in front of the doors watching this. They were watching Harry carry me.

Remus had a smile fixed on his face. It was like a mockery of a smile. The dog sat there rather apprehensively. Harry introduced me first to Remus and then to the dog as Sirius. I didn't know that he was an Animagus. I shook his... hand, I guess, and he started to like relax, so I took that as a good sign.

The short ride was very uncomfortable. Remus was stewing very much in his own world. Harry and Sirius were just as uncomfortable because of the same thing I was. Then we reached the house and Remus quickly disappeared up the stairs. Harry and I went to the kitchen, where he put on a pot of tea.

"What was all that about?" I asked Harry after another moment of awkward silence.

"I don't really know. He seemed fine up until we came down to meet them."

"Wonderful."

He sat down next to me and Sirius came into the kitchen with us. No sooner had he sat down then Harry said, "What's wrong with him?"

"He's acting like an old man," he said quite bitterly. "I don't honestly know what's wrong with him, although I am rather put off by it, myself. Don't worry, he'll come around."

"Yeah, sure," Harry said extremely sarcastically.

"Oh, honestly. Are you really going to let his pettiness put you in such a state?" He was right of course. "That's what I thought. Now how is that tea coming along?"

"Oh, yes." Harry got it all together and rejoined us at the table. After a few moments of battling himself, Sirius got it up to have the 'talk' with us. It was really rather amusing, though I also found it quite touching. He clearly hadn't done this before, but he was putting forth great effort. My father had never done that with me. He had never influenced me in any positive way whatsoever in my entire life.

"Do you have any kids of your own?" I asked suddenly. I didn't really mean to, it just sort of slipped out.

He didn't seem offended as when he replied, his tone was light. "No, I don't"

"Oh, I'm sorry, I thought you did." I found myself saying very truthfully.

"Why's that?" he asked, genuine curiosity in his voice.

"Because you act like you know what you're doing a lot better than my father does," I said as I looked down at the floor. I was feeling like I was overstepping boundaries, so I kind of added on, "Then again, the only thing he ever did well was working for the Dark Lord. Fitting, isn't it?"

Harry snorted in response and obviously alarms were going off in Sirius's mind as well. He excused himself and suggested that we go to sleep. We followed his advice and went off to find the room that we would be staying in.

Apparently, Harry wasn't interested in sleeping either. I was disappointed that I couldn't move, I was still so sore. He didn't seem to mind, as he just lay there with my face in his hands and his mouth on mine. For the longest time we lay there like that before Harry broke the kiss to whisper, "I love you, Draco," in my ear, making me shiver.

"And I love you," I replied, laying my head on his chest.

I was thinking about my mother again. I wondered what was happening to her. The ministry workers would probably be there already, going through all of their belongings and what have you's. I started crying when I thought of all the questions she would have to answer. She would have to admit weakness. I was wondering how she would take that. The thought of her going to Azkaban scared me more than anything else. My mother did not belong in that place. She never meant any harm, not even towards me. Or perhaps she would be allowed to go and start over again. I chose to think about that as a more plausible outcome as it was the least painful for me to think about. Couldn't I disillusion myself for just a while?

*****

Poor Draco. 


	9. His Way Is In Dismay

Body Warnings and Disclaimers: Please refer either to chapter one or seven.

Note: Again in Draco's POV.

His Way Is In Dismay

Apparently, 'just a while' means more like three days. For three days I received nothing from or about Lucius or my mother. I was starting to think that I was not going to hear anything at all. A large barn owl flew in our bedroom window on the morning of the third day there. Stroking its neck, I untied the letter written in an unfamiliar script. It took off as I sat there staring.

What the envelope contained I did not yet know, but it could not have been good news. Don't ask me how, I just knew it. Very slowly and with shaking hands I opened the envelope and unfolded the parchment.

Dear Mr. Malfoy;

I feel that it is my duty to inform you of your parent's where-

abouts. Lucius has been arrested and is being held indefinitely, though

where, I am not at liberty to say. His trial is pending, and you may or

may not be called on to testify. You will of course be required to place

a statement with the Ministry shortly.

Unfortunately, there is some rather tragic news regarding your

mother. There is no other way for me to tell you; all apologies. Narcissa

was recently informed that you would no longer be allowed in her care.

She took the news much harder than anticipated and has passed on, at

her own hand.

Again, I would like to apologize for not being able to speak in

person with you. Should you need anything at all, please feel free to

contact me.

Sincerely,

Arthur Weasley

Minister of Magic

First I started laughing. This was some really bad practical joke. The laughter turned to screams. This was some really sick irony. This was the worst thing that could have happened. Worse even than me being chained to a bloody wall in my own father's fucking dungeon. Worse than me dying against said fucking wall. The _only_ light in my life at all for the first sixteen years of it was put out. Just like that.

Then I was sobbing against someone that I knew wasn't Harry. 'Where is Harry?' He wasn't there. He had gone off somewhere with Sirius just before I got that letter. The letter telling me my mother was dead. Arms tightened around me, in a rather protective fashion. I sobbed harder.

"My goodness, what on Earth is wrong?" I heard Remus asking very quietly. I gave him the letter. He read it and gave it back to me. After a quiet moment, he pulled me closer to him like a child. I know I'm not a very big person at all... Hell, I'm not even average. But I felt much smaller than I ever had before and it was pleasant to be like protected from the outside world in a more physical way. "I see," he finally managed to get out.

"I liked my mother, you know."

"I'm sure you did. I never knew her well, myself," he said quite regretfully.

Death does funny things to people. It can make someone who was an extra in one's life seem like a main character. It changes one's perspectives on a lot of things, but only temporarily. Remus will have forgotten about this in a few years. If even that long. But it is the one thing I know I will _always_ remember.

"There's nothing I can really remember about her that stood out except that she liked me. She used to come to the dungeons to see me. She used to play music, too," I smiled. "Actually, she played a lot of Muggle music, if you can dig that."

"Hmm. I think I can. But what kind of Muggle music?" he asked.

"I don't know, come to think of it. It's really very beautiful, and the way this man sings it is awesome. It's like poetry set to some odd kind of orchestra. Harry reminds me of a few of those songs." The same thought occurred to me again. "Strange that it would be a Muggle who said it best."

"Why?"

"I don't know. I guess I was raised to think of Muggles as a sub-species. They're not on the same level as we are in any way, shape, or form. Because their minds don't have the capacity to think in terms of magick."

"Do you really believe that?"

"Not really. No. If a Muggle can put that much passion into a piece of artwork, who the hell am I to call him lesser?"

He laughed lightly. "Very eloquently said."

"Thank you," I said as I laughed back. I was starting to feel better. The rest of my breakdown could happen when Harry got home and I would have to show him that awful letter. Remus gave me one last squeeze, and got up.

"Care for a cup of tea?" he said, extending his hand.

"Sounds lovely," I replied, taking it.

We sat at the table in the kitchen sharing a pot of tea and chatting. Turns out that he's got no parents, either. Casualties in Voldemort's war. Same had happened to Sirius, as well. He told me about his life and losing his parents and I told him my side of the story. He was really a good listener and he would respond when there was something to respond to.

It was odd having a conversation with someone other than Harry. Especially Remus. He was the last person I ever expected to have a heart to heart about life with. 'Wait a minute.' "Why don't you like me?" I found myself asking quite suddenly. I didn't mean to say it, it just seemed to be on my mind.

"Pardon?" he said.

"I'm sorry. I guess I just sort of get the impression that you're not too fond of me. Or haven't been up to this point," I tried to explain.

"Well, most of that is just the fact that I don't know you. I must admit that I did have a few reservations about you. Again, mostly just because I don't know you. At least not that well."

I laughed at him. For the first time ever, Remus Lupin was going out of his way to make me feel comfortable. Or at least talk to me like a real person. "Maybe not, but then again, you did take me into your home, so I guess you can't have had all that many misgivings, right?"

"I've had my misgivings, and I can't lie, but I do still trust Harry, and therefore you are a friend as well. True, up to this point I have been rather.... childish about the whole matter. But the key phrase in that statement is 'this point'," he said, choosing his words carefully.

"So what does 'this point' have to do with, from your position?" I asked.

"Well, to be perfectly frank, I am growing rather fond of you. Maybe this point is where I learn to grow up and not be so damned closed minded." He smiled sort of slowly, the thought apparently becoming amusing. "Funny," he said distantly, "I never thought a Malfoy would be teaching me about being open minded." Coming back to the present, he seemed to realize what he said and with quite the startled look on his face, as well. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to say that."

"That is quite apparent, judging by the look on your face," I replied, giggling at him. "But really, it's okay, don't worry about it."

After a few more moments of chattering, I excused myself on the pretense that I was tired and needed to sleep. This was the furthest thing from the truth, but I desperately needed to be alone. I needed to process the news I had received not long before. I needed to write to this Arthur Weasley and find out if there was going to be a service.

If nothing else, being a Malfoy has taught me that when business needs to get done, you need to get the business done. Sitting down at the small desk in the corner of the room, I began to write to Arthur Weasley. I asked him when and where the services would be, thanked him for his condolences and apologies, and included a brief statement that I hoped would be sufficient for the Ministry.

No sooner had I sent my owl, Piewackett, off than Harry walked in the door. Now it was time to gash the wound open again and bleed all over the place again. I was hoping that this was going to be the last time I would have to explain what happened. The moment he saw me his smile faded into a mask of concern.

"Draco, you look awfully pale. Are you feeling all right?"

"Yes, I'm fine. Sort of. I've gotten a letter from the Ministry. They say that my mother is dead. She committed suicide because she wasn't allowed to look after me anymore," I spat out. Speaking faster made it more likely to be coherent as I was quickly losing myself to sobs.

"Oh, dear. I'm so sorry, love," he said as he picked me out of the chair so he could hold me.

"I never thought she would do herself in like that. Why did she have to do that?" I sobbed into his chest. "Didn't she know that it wouldn't have to be that way forever?"

"Maybe she just didn't know what else to do," he offered. He pulled me tighter to him and kissed me on the forehead. I started calming down, though very slowly. Harry continued to pet and kiss me until I finally got myself under control.

"Are you okay?" Harry asked carefully, as though his words alone would make me break.

"I suppose. There's not really any point in carrying on like that, is there?"

"Grieving isn't really a bad thing, you know," he replied, setting me on the bed. "How else are you supposed to work through it if you aren't allowed to be emotional?"

I laughed. "I think I've been plenty emotional, thank you. I'd actually like to stop being that way all the bloody time; I would like to live a relatively normal life now."

"How relatively normal do you want your life to be?" he asked, laughing.

"Really, I'd just like to sleep in a real bed and eat on a regular basis and say whatever the hell is on my mind without being beaten afterward." Harry looked nothing short of completely scandalized when I finished. "Sorry."

"Well, you're with me now, so there's no need to worry. And I think that we can work on this whole 'normal' life you're talking about," he added with a smile.

"You think so?"

"For you, anything."

Feeling Harry's lips on mine was enough to make all the pain and trauma of my life disappear. And when we weren't directly touching, he made my life less painful and traumatic just being there. He and his family (or what I shall refer to as his family) took me into their home. That in and of itself was enough to make me optimistic, at least. I may no longer have had my mother, but I still had Harry and that was worth a hundred thousand years in Lucius's damned dungeon.

*****

Look, I know that Arthur Weasley as the M.o.M. is uncreative. It's minor, give me a break.

Sorry it took me so long to get this up, my muse took a vacation. And things will get better for Draco, I promise. Thank all of you who have reviewed, this is for you. *blows kisses and gazes lovingly about* Cheers! 


	10. Oneness Floats About

Body Warnings and Disclaimers: please refer to chapter one or chapter seven. thank you.

Oneness Floats About

Boy, was my life turned upside down in the blink of an eye. First, Harry showed up at the flat Sirius and I were sharing in complete hysterics after just a few hours at home. Then to find out that he was there because he'd been thrown out of his home. Because he was gay. That in and of itself rather threw me. What threw me harder was the fact that he had fallen for Lucius Malfoy's son, of all bloody people. When I asked him if he truly loved Draco I expected him to falter or make an excuse. But he was exceptionally honest, and that only boosted my respect for him.

But it was Dumbledore who threw me hardest of all. I had more than readily accepted Harry's presence in our household, but the thought that Draco would join our peculiar family never once crossed my mind. It was rather impulsive of me to accept him into our home. What else could I do? This was the son of Lucius sodding Malfoy, for god's sake. That he had nowhere else to go saddened me more than I cared to admit, even to myself. That Dumbledore asked Sirius and I of all people to take him seemed to impress upon me how dire the situation truly was. So Harry was going to have his partner live with him.

Harry falling in love took me by complete surprise. It wasn't until we were ready to go to our new home that it really sunk in. He was so young. There were too many things that he had yet to experience to have fallen in love. With DRACO MALFOY! That was becoming almost more than I could bear. Then when I saw him for the first time in three years, I saw him in a totally different light than I had previous. He was not to be merely a student to me any longer. This was, in a way, almost like meeting the future son-in-law. His appearance startled me and I was concerned for his well being. That emotion, however, was more than slightly overshadowed by my intense dislike for the boy. Or really what I had assumed the boy to be. I knew that I was being childish. But I had started something and I was prepared to uphold my position, no matter how bleeding stupid and selfish it was. I knew I fucked up pretty badly when Sirius said nothing to me at all before going to bed. He didn't even look at me.

Three days after Draco had been thrown into our lives I was forced to modify my opinion. Sirius had taken Harry to the grocery store; Draco was apparently still asleep when they set off. I was sitting at the table in the kitchen reading the _Daily Prophet_ when I heard screams coming from the room Draco was supposed to be sleeping in. Running to see what the matter was was my first instinct. Draco was falling and I ran to catch him. The screams had turned to sobs as he fell limply into my arms. I sat on the bed, trying to get a bit of leverage.

"My goodness, what on Earth is wrong?" I asked, though I wasn't expecting a response. I figured that he was breaking down, the full reality of what had befallen him finally sinking in. To my surprise, he handed me a rumpled piece of parchment. His mother had taken her own life. "I see."

I set the letter aside and pulled him onto my lap. His fingers clutched at my robe so tightly that I was afraid holes would be where his fingers were. Trying to get him to calm down was the first thing on my mind. I smoothed his hair and rocked with him and finally the sobs started to subside.

"I liked my mother, you know." There was no end of pain in his voice as he said the words in an almost defensive manner.

Not sure how to respond, "I'm sure you did," seemed like the best thing. "I never knew her well, myself." Narcissa was in Slytherin and kept mostly to herself when we were in school together.

In a voice barely audible he said, "She's the only person in my life who ever actually liked me. Except for Harry."

He was breaking my heart. It was almost more than I could bear to sit there and listen to him tell me the things he was telling me. I was starting to feel worthless for the way I had been behaving towards him. It wasn't his fault that his family was the way it was. He was an unwitting victim of a terrible age in which the worst of the worst reigned supreme. It was not his fault that his father was the right-hand-man of the darkest, most vile creature ever to call itself a wizard.

We sat in the kitchen for a long while, drinking tea and conversing. The more he talked, the more I found I liked him. The person I thought him to be was not at all the person he truly was. I thought him to be little more than a cold cast of his father, when he was really just a little thing beaten into submission by forces he had no hope of successfully fighting by himself. As he told me of his life under Lucius's thumb, a lot of things started to come together. I understood why I thought he was a creepy little wanker when I was his teacher. He was doing what he was told to do. Had he done differently, he would -in all likelihood- not have been sitting and telling me the things he was telling me.

After excusing himself, I sat and thought very long and hard about what had taken place between us. To say that I felt like an ass would be a gross understatement. All it had taken for me to get to know the boy was to show even less than an ounce of genuine interest in him. He was not as emotionally bankrupt as I expected him to be. He was scarred, without a doubt, but not a shell of a human being.

Sirius and Harry returned shortly after Draco had gone. Harry immediately went off to see him and Sirius sat across from me.

"I'm so sorry, Sirius." That was all I could think to say to him. Although it was Draco that I had wronged most severely, I knew I had hurt him as well.

For a moment we sat and stared at each other. "What happened?"

"I... Narcissa...Oh, Sirius, I was so fucking wrong."

"What about Narcissa?" His eyes darkened. Oh, dear. I forgot about that.

Narcissa was something to Sirius that she was to no other. When we were in our sixth year at Hogwarts Sirius and Narcissa started secretly seeing each other. Sirius didn't tell us, first because he was afraid we would disapprove. As it progressed, he didn't tell us because it had gone to a level he couldn't articulately disclose. I didn't find out until much later that they were planning on getting married after graduation. It had fallen apart at the seams when Lucius disappeared with her graduation night. Sirius only gained this knowledge a few days before James and Lily.... before James and Lily were betrayed. He convinced them to change Peter to their secret keeper, for fear that when he ended his life the spell protecting their lives and the life of their son would be broken. Learning of the betrayal brought him from the brink of suicide at the last minute. He confronted Peter and the rest, as they say, is history.

"She.. er.. was informed that Draco was no longer her responsibility, and... she.. um... she took it rather hard," I tried.

Stone faced, he nodded. "Unfortunate, really." Silence. He sat there for a moment, lost in his own thoughts. I was afraid he was thinking too hard about the past. I was afraid he was resenting me.

"Sirius?"

He looked up at me, as though he just realized I was there. The expression of painful concentration vanished as quickly as it had manifested. He gave me the same loving smile he had been prone to giving me since we were eighteen. Reaching across the table and grasping my hands in his he spoke in little more than a whisper, "Remus, I love you, so very much. Don't ever think that I don't. And don't ever think that I love you less than I loved her."

"Do you mean to say..."

"It is in the past. She left me. You were the one I wanted then and you're the one that I want now. What happened between her and I only happened because I was afraid of my own nature. I love *you*. With everything I have." As though to illustrate his point, he pulled me onto his lap and gave me the deepest, most lingering kiss that has ever occurred between two people. "So, does that answer your question, then?"

I couldn't help but laugh at him. He's always had this strange ability to put my mind at ease like no one else ever could. "Yes, I should think so."

"Hmm," he said, his forehead wrinkling in that adorable fashion I've never been able to refuse, "You don't look quite convinced, yet."

"No?"

"No."

He literally dragged me up the stairs to our bedroom. Immediately after shutting the door he pulled me into his arms, lavishing kisses upon my entire face and neck before throwing me onto the bed. The force of the movement almost startled me in it's ferocity. A wicked grin spread across his face as he approached. The menacing look in his eyes told what kind of encounter this promised to become.

Stopping directly in front of me, he pulled off his tight tee shirt, revealing the extremely well-toned torso underneath. Saliva was finding its way out of the corners of my mouth as I gazed at him. Sirius is the one creature that has always been able to literally make me drool. He is the only creature that could ever satisfy my every desire.

"All right, Moony?" he teased lovingly.

At that point I was beyond coherent speech. All I could do was lick at the corners of my mouth, trying to cover up my blatant desire. As his eyes flicked over my body, I realized that there was no conceivable way I could conceal my obvious arousal. Not that I really wanted to conceal it. Exactly the opposite. As I sat I stripped myself, bringing saliva to the corners of the mouth of the man standing opposite me. This was always one of our favourite games: who could get the other most aroused before actually making contact. I was usually the first to break, but I would not give him the satisfaction this time.

Sirius was frozen in a state of shock. I was deliberately doing _everything_ I could to drive him thoroughly mad with desire. It was a very rare occasion for me to take the initiative like that. And I did it so rarely because I knew that when I eventually took it upon myself to instigate it, Sirius would be absolutely beside himself. I suppose that it was a test on my behalf. Kind of just to see how in the past Narcissa really was. Fucked, I know, but lovers do fucked things to each other on occasion. Rest assured that he has done his fair share as well.

Laying back on the bed, I stretched out very luxuriously. He gave me no time to enjoy my victory as he dropped his trousers round his ankles and leapt onto me. I gave a startled cry, and this only seemed to give him an insane amount of pleasure, judging from the grin that was fixed on his face. He wasted no time, shoving himself inside of me almost as soon as he sat down.

It was a short session, but _very_ intense. Sirius wrapped his arms around my chest and nuzzled his face into my hair. Times like those always remind me of all the time I spent alone and hurting without him. Twelve years he was a criminal. Twelve excruciating years without my... my mate. And to have him back in my arms, not a criminal, was more than I could bear. A few tears leaked down my cheeks and onto his. He said nothing, just kissed them away and stroked my hair.

"God, Sirius, I love you so _so_ much, it hurts. I just can't imagine myself without you."

"You'll never have to, love."

*****

There's something a bit more cheerful for you. I'll not be so long in keeping this going from now on. Thanks for hanging in there for me. Love you! 


	11. The Clock Cannot Be Turned With Remorsef...

Body Warnings and Disclaimers: please refer to chapters one and seven.

The Clock Cannot Be Turned With Remorseful Yearns

Services for Narcissa Malfoy were held just a few days after she was found. Very few were in attendance. The Hogwarts staff accounted for the majority, though we were not all present, just the few of us who knew her as a friend or student. Draco and Harry were of course there. Sirius Black came with a very somber face on the arm of Remus Lupin. At the time I wasn't sure whether they were there to support Draco or because they actually felt something. After seeing Black shed real human tears, I was convinced that the latter was indeed the case. None of her family were there, though Lucius's sister, Carmilla, did grace us with her presence. Draco shuddered when she walked through the door and I couldn't help but wonder if she had had a hand in torturing the poor boy. Narcissa was probably scowling at her from the next plane. The thought made me smile, but it was gone as quickly as it had appeared.

Remembering Narcissa brought no angry or hateful memories to mind. Unfortunate, perhaps, but not negative. The unfortunate incident to which I refer is still as clear in my mind as the day that it had happened. She had come to Hogwarts to see her son on his fifteenth birthday and ended up spending the majority of her time there in my office.

Potions papers were piled up on my desk, waiting for grades, when I heard a soft knock on the open door. I looked up to see Narcissa standing there.

"Hi there, Severus." Her greeting was timid. It had been a long time since we had seen each other without the company of her husband.

"Narcissa, come in, please." I motioned for her to have a seat and I joined her by the fire. "How are you? It's been so long."

She relaxed, letting out a bit of a genuine smile. "That it has. Too long, really." Her eyes were clouding with tears that would never spill as she looked at me. "Oh, Severus, I miss you. I've got no one but the house elves anymore. It's so hard with Draco being at school and Carmilla insists upon keeping me company. She comes at least once a month now."

I laughed in recognition of her dislike for her sister-in-law. "I'm so sorry, you poor dear. I take it that she hasn't changed any, then?"

"Oh, my goodness," she laughed, "NO! My tolerance for her has hit rock-bottom. She's such a wretched creature, it's a wonder she's allowed to walk on the same planet as the rest of us. But, really, Severus, how are you?"

"Well, thank you. I'm finally starting to enjoy having a relatively quiet life."

Smiling warmly she replied, "I'm so glad you're happy here." She looked down at the floor. "You know, I really envy you for leaving. Just for having the courage to leave. And I... I just can't," she finished, covering her face with her hands.

"Maybe, but that's not your fault, and don't ever think that it is. And really, it wasn't courage on my part, it was having nothing else to lose."

A bitter smile twisted her mouth. "And what have I got to lose?"

"Well, Draco, for starters."

She sighed in resignation as she gently nodded her head. "Not for starters, period. I couldn't leave him with his father. I _wouldn't_ leave him with his father." She seemed thoughtful for a moment before continuing. "You know, he's the only good thing that's ever happened to me since Lucius and I... you know."

I nodded. I did know. Lucius had taken her away from Black after leaving school. She hated him for it. Then he made sure that she would stay with him, thus Draco's existence.

"And it's been so lonely without you around. You're the only one who ever came around there that was actually a decent person."

At that I had to laugh. "Thank you, Narcissa, no one's ever told me that before."

"I'm very serious. I never could figure out how you got caught up in that. You're far too good a person to let your ideals get warped like that."

"My ideals were warped plenty, but it was just a temporary thing. Thank goodness."

She sat and stared at me as though it were the first time she had ever seen me. "Severus, can I ask you a question?"

"Another one?"

"Yes."

"Go ahead."

"Why did you become a... a... a Death Eater?" she asked very timidly.

I was afraid she would ask that. What was I supposed to tell her? I didn't think she knew about James Potter and I. I didn't want to tell her the truth; how would she react?

"If you don't want to tell me, that's okay. I just... I'm sorry."

"No, it's okay. That is a very valid question." I tried to think of the best way to explain my stance without giving away too much information. "Let's just say that I let my pride get in the way of my better judgment."

She threw her arms around me and hugged me so tight that I thought she was going to break my ribs. "Oh, I'm so glad you didn't really believe in all that. I always knew you were better than the rest of them."

We sat and talked for a long time after she let me go. It was very nice to have her there again. When I was on that side, I spent a lot of my time with Narcissa. When we were in school she was always on my side. She was my best friend, though I wasn't too sure that she knew it. I never told her about James and I, first because I didn't want her to be repulsed and later because I didn't want to have to admit that I was thrown aside for someone else. She used to tell me everything about Black. I remember the day that he asked her to marry him. She came running up to me in the Great Hall just before the stairs to the dungeons.

"Oohh, Severus, guess what?" she squealed, jumping about.

"You've given up on magick and have decided to run away and join the circus!"

She stared at me as though I had snakes crawling out of my ears. "WHAT?"

I almost fell over I was laughing so hard. She put her hands on her hips and glared at me. It took all of my willpower to calm down enough to face her. "I'm sorry, what were you going to say?"

She recovered, the grin once again reappearing on her face and jumping about maniacally. "Sirius and I are going to get married! Isn't that just wonderful?!!"

"Oh, Narcissa, I'm so happy for you."

Throwing herself at me, she gave me the greatest hug. "I knew you'd be happy for me, thank you, thank you, thank you!" She pulled back and resumed her mad jumping. "Will you come? Will you be my maid of honour?" She crinkled her nose. "Or whatever?"

"Oooh, do I get to wear a frilly pink dress and _everything_?"

Now she was doubled over with laughter. "You? In a... _pink_... dress?" she gasped.

"Why? What colour would you prefer?"

She stopped and stared a moment before lapsing into peals of laughter. "You're.. right. Pink... _is_.. your colour."

Unfortunately, the day we talked about on many occasions after that never did come. Even though Black and I hated each other's guts, Narcissa bridged the gap in a way no other could have. Except for James. Had he chosen to tell about it, it may have worked. Had he not fallen for Lily Evans, it may have worked. But these are all 'could have been's and not the way it was now.

Most everyone left right after the service was concluded. I sat in my seat very near to the back of the room, watching Harry and Draco. They talked for a long time. Harry's arm was hooked around Draco's shoulder, his head on Harry's shoulder. It occurred to me that this was a kind of closure for Draco that Harry could never have. Harry would never be able to sit in a room like this with those who knew his parents and be able to grieve alongside them. Now I was feeling like it was my responsibility to talk to Harry about them. Well, his father, anyway.

They got up to leave, but stopped when they saw me. I rose and tried to put them to ease with a smile, but I don't know how successful I was. As I got closer to where they were standing, I saw that Harry's face was streaked with tears, as well. He had been crying. I'd never seen Harry Potter cry before and it struck a very deep chord within me. He looked like James at that moment, so noble and strong beside his weakened lover, but human, nonetheless.

For a few long moments we all stood staring at each other, but saying nothing. Finally, I found my voice, though it didn't sound at all like me. "Draco, I'm very sorry."

A very weak smile found it's way to his mouth. "Thank you, Sir. So am I."

Passing me, they continued on their way. Just before they reached the door, I found myself calling to Harry. They both turned, but then Harry must have told Draco to go on ahead because he left him alone. He walked very apprehensively to stand before me.

"Sir?"

"Hi, Harry.... How are you?" I faultered.

"Fine... Are you all right, Sir?"

"Well... actually... I just wanted to apologize for... well, for being an ass to you for so long." Dumbstruck, he stared at me. Then his face cracked into an odd sort of grin, very reminiscent of his father. I practically collapsed into the nearest seat, I was overcome with such a wave of despair as I hadn't felt in a very, very long time. I missed James so badly. Finally, the weight of his absence in my life hit. Before I knew what I was doing, I was sobbing harder than I had ever done before. I was vaguely aware of Harry sitting beside me. After a moment, he laid a hand on my shoulder.

"Are... are you all right?" Forcing myself to stop, I looked up at him. His eyes were filling with tears and he had the most concerned look on his face.

"No, I'm not. Not at all. Harry, there is no excuse I can make for my behaviour towards you. But please just accept that I'm sorry."

He nodded very solemnly. "Thank you, Professor. That means a lot to me."

"James would have been proud of you."

Obviously I caught him off guard. He looked stunned for a moment before finally smiling again. "I thought you hated my father."

"I did. But I didn't. I've been very wrong about a lot of things and I think now I need to own up to the fact that I have been an awfully petty individual. I guess.... hell, I don't know."

Now he was laughing at me. "Who are you? And what have you done with Professor Snape?"

I was laughing along with him. "Draco's waiting, you know."

He nodded. He stood and walked slowly away, stopping just as he reached the door. "You know, I think he would have been proud of you, too." Then he was gone.

Harry Potter had actually accepted my apology, though why I had no idea. Were I in his position, it would have taken a whole lot more than just a lousy, "Sorry, kiddo." He was mature beyond his years and more wise than was really good for a kid his age. He had one of the warmest hearts I've ever seen. Warmer than his father's, if that was even possible.

My broken heart was in its final stage of healing, after almost twenty years. Harry had given me that last bandage, and it was one I didn't know I needed. There was no more regret for the way that my life had turned out. No more yearning for that which was not. Pining for a lost love seemed ludicrous. In the end, James was happy with the person he was with, and that counted for everything. I finally reached the point that I could be happy for him. No more hatred for Lily. Now I was grateful for her, for without her there would have been no Harry Potter to save the world from Voldemort. She had given the world one of its greatest gifts.

I skipped the following reception. Instead, I went to the Pit, my favourite Muggle pub just across the street from the Leaky Cauldron. I had taken to Muggle pubs after being introduced to beer by none other than Narcissa herself. Actually, she was the one who first brought me here when we were on summer holiday a lifetime ago. She'd made us up Muggle identification cards, which I thought were rather silly. It was so easy to make them up, it was a wonder that their system worked at all.

I sat at our old table and waited for the young waiter to take my order. The place hadn't changed much in all the time I had been coming here. Even some of the patrons were the same. The old man that sat at the end of the bar was still there. The bartender was still the same old bat that had been there since the first time we came. The waiter was a boy not more than twenty years of age, though. And I saw that the table that always held a bunch of older ladies playing some game with cards now held a different group of them.

Muggles actually do have some decent ideas in some arenas. Alcoholic beverages being their forte, without a doubt. The waiter gave me a funny look when I ordered a pint of Guinness along with a rum runner. That was always her favourite. She liked anything with a kick to it. Her philosophy was always, "If you're going to get a Muggle drink, get something you'll remember in the morning." At the time, I had no idea what she meant. Then I woke up the next morning with an awful headache and a bone-dry mouth. I wasted no time in yelling at her, but she just laughed at me. "Drink a glass of water before you pass out, next time."

"Oh, sure, you tell me this _now_."

By the time I finally got the bill, I was in a right state. Thank Narcissa for getting me accustomed to behaving correctly while intoxicated. The boy left it on the table and hurried off. It took me a moment to realize that the number written on the back was not a sum. I looked up and saw him blushing furiously at me. The red was seeping into my face, as well. It had been a long time since such a thing had happened to me. I tore off the part with the number and placed it in the pocket on the inside of my cloak. I wrote down my address on the remaining portion, left a few Muggle notes on the table, and left.

While I walked through Diagon Alley, I reviewed the day. Already I had buried my best friend, made peace with Harry, and made peace with myself. At least to some degree. And it wasn't even six o'clock yet. For the first time in what seemed like forever, I was not wishing that I could change the past. All the things I wished I could change had made me the person that I am, and that is all that counts.

Although the day had started out as one of my worst, it had turned out to be one of my best. I felt as though from that day I would finally be able to start moving forward instead of just standing still. Perhaps I might make a date with my waiter, Jonathan. It would be the first in... god... five years? Yes, I would definitely have to start living again. After all, there would be plenty of time to be dead later.

*****

I must admit it, this is my new favourite chapter. Do you like it? Please, please say that you do. But only if you REALLY mean it. Oh, who am I kidding? I know you do. Because you're just that wonderful! 


	12. Get It Together And Listen

Body Warnings and Disclaimers: please refer to chapters one and/or seven. thanx.

Get It Together And Listen

"Ron!"

"What?"

"You've got an owl down here. Just arrived."

"From who?"

"Looks like Hedwig. Must be from Harry."

Wow. It had been a while since Harry had owled me. He'd been busy with Malfoy (the bleeding sod) and getting settled into his new house. Without a doubt, I was glad to hear from him, but things hadn't been the same since he told us about... well, you know. The fact that he was gay didn't bother me, really. It was his choice for a partner that irritated the living piss out of me. I mean, of all people, why did he have to choose Draco fucking Malfoy? Why not, say, Seamus? Hell, he could have been doing Percy and I would have been okay. Well, maybe not okay, but it still would have been better. Nevertheless, I was still excited when I read the letter that was written in his familiar loopy green writing.

Ron!

Hello! How are you? How's life at the Burrow? The

house is finally starting to feel like home and Sirius

finally hired a guy to fix the hole in the roof. He tried

to fix it with magick, but it didn't seem to want to

hold. But anyhow, you really must come and stay

before the holidays are over. Hermione's coming,

so you just have to. And I promise Draco will be

good. We've already talked about it, so I promise

it will be okay. Besides, he really does want to get

to know you. Tell me you're coming, I told Hedwig

to stay until you do. Great! See you soon!

Luv ya,

Harry

'Malfoy wants to get to know me?' Yeah, right! I was reasonably positive that Harry just threw that in for good measure. But I did have to go, and besides, I really did miss Harry. Even if he was with that... that... that poxy, sodding.... AAHHH! But then, Hermione was going to be there, too.

***

It was raining when I arrived. 'Very appropriate,' I thought to myself. Going to my mum's funeral would have been a more cheerful prospect than spending a week with Draco Malfoy. And there he was, sitting there on the sofa with Harry and Hermione as though this were the most natural position to be in. So what if he lived there, too? I stepped out of the fireplace and brushed my robe off, though it didn't do much good.

"Goodness, Harry, has that chimney _ever_ been cleaned properly?" I asked crossly.

"Sorry," he replied, going red.

"Ron!" Hermione squealed, running up and throwing her arms around me. She finally let me go and just stood there beaming. Extremely awkward silence was falling over the room. "Hey, Harry, why don't you show me where your kitchen is? Perhaps some tea might do Ron some good," she said, pulling him out of the sitting room to leave me alone with Malfoy.

"Hi," he said so softly that I almost didn't hear it. The fact that he was looking directly at me made it that much more difficult for me to ignore him. Ass.

"Hello." Damn that was _cold_. So cold, in fact, that he dropped his head to stare at the floor. 'What's that?' Oh, dear, I was actually feeling a pang of *gulp* _guilt_. "Um, yeah. So... uh... so how's it going, then?"

He stared up at me looking thoroughly shocked. "Uhh, fine, thanks. And yourself?"

"Peachy."

Being alone with him was driving me slowly insane. I wondered how long they were going to leave us alone for. Five more minutes of this and I was going t-

"You know, Ron, I think I owe you an apology," he said, totally interrupting my train of thought.

"WHAT?" I cried, totally taken aback. My first shock was that he used my first name. And he APOLOGIZED? What the hell was his point? Couldn't we just be happy hating each other?

"I said, 'You know, Ron, I think I owe you an apology.'"

"Really?"

"I was speaking in English. You do understand English, don't you?" For the first time in all the time I had known Draco Malfoy he was teasing without any malicious intent.

"Yes, thank you, I do. I just wasn't sure that you did."

He laughed at me. Honestly, genuinely laughed and not at my expense. I was starting to seriously freak out. And where the hell were Harry and Hermione?

"Anyhow, as I was trying to say before, I think I owe you an apology." At that point he looked back down at the ground. "For... well, for being such an ass to you for so long, and all. I know it's a bit late, but... better late than never, right?" He looked at me rather beseechingly.

Degenerative twat. Had to be the good guy, he just had to be. All I wanted was to comfortably hate the motherfucker for the rest of my life. Now it was going to be impossible, what with him actually being a decent person, and all. "Yeah, I guess you're right," I sighed.

"You accept it, then?" he asked hopefully.

Admittedly, he was throwing me into a right state of shock that wasn't altogether unappealing. This was an entirely different Draco Malfoy than the one I knew and hated. He looked the same and he smelled the same and his voice was the same. But the tension that used to surround him was totally absent. It was like he had taken off his costume and I was seeing him in his real skin for the first time. And the worst part about it was that I liked it.

"Yeah. Thanks, Malfoy."

"Please don't call me that." Tears were actually welling up in his eyes and he was wringing his hands in a gesture of absolute tension and misery. He was starting to scare me but I sat down next to him anyway.

"Draco, then. Thanks."

Instantaneously he flipped back to a normal human being. Harry and Hermione chose that moment to come back into the room with their stupid tea. That tea that had forced me into accepting an apology from Draco Malfoy.

As we sat there I wondered, and not for the first time, exactly what his gyp was. I'd gotten a fragmented story from Harry and my dad collectively over the last two months, but there were still a lot of holes. I knew that he had been taken from his house because of Lucius being caught being a Death Eater. Whatever that meant... And then there was his mum's obituary in the _Daily Prophet_. How he wound up living with Harry and his two godfathers, I didn't know. But there was still something very wrong with him, and it wasn't just that his mother died.

Later that evening we were all sitting in the grass out the back of the house when I figured out what it was that Harry saw in Draco. Hermione and I were playing a game of exploding snap; Harry was laying with his head in Draco's lap, being pet. Draco's eyes were closed and there was a smile plastered on his face. It occurred to me that they actually looked right together. Like they were really happy. The afternoon was one of the best I'd had in a long time. I got to spend it with my two best friends and another whom I was rapidly becoming fond of.

Draco actually fit in with us. It wasn't awkward like I had expected it to be. He acted as though we had all been doing this since the beginning of time, and damned if I didn't start to believe it myself. He conversed with us and played with us and just sat silent with us. Whatever animosity that used to keep us apart had completely vanished without a trace. The arrogance that used to ooze from his pores was gone. Superiority was replaced with equality. He didn't seem to consider himself just Harry's boyfriend. He seemed to consider himself one of Harry's friends, and therefore, one of our friends, as well.

"Hey, Harry? You got any music?" Hermione asked.

"Yeah, I think I might be able to come up with something," he said, getting up. Draco jumped up instead and went off into the house. "No, I think _he_ might be able to come up with something."

A few moments later he came back with an odd little contraption I'd never seen before. It was only about an inch high and kind of round. There were several buttons on the one side of it and a few holes in the sides, though for what, I had no idea.

"Oi! Is that a CD player?" Hermione asked.

Blushing, he said, "Uh, yeah, actually."

"Where are the speakers?"

"Don't need speakers," he replied setting it on a stump in-between him and I.

"How do you hear it, then?" She was obviously as puzzled as I.

He grinned and tapped it with his wand. Immediately the air was full of instruments I'd never heard before and the voice started not long afterwards. "Like it?"

"That's great!" she laughed. "How did you do that?"

"It's charmed so that it doesn't need a power source or physical speakers. It'll just play until you tap it again," he explained and demonstrated. "The controls all still work, but since its got no battery, it can't wear out. And it won't skip, either."

"What sort of charm did you use?" She was enthralled now. Damn him. And Harry was just sitting there beaming, absolutely beaming. It was disgusting.

"There's a stillness spell that keeps it from skipping, but the rest I just made up," he said as though it were nothing at all.

"You made it up? You mean you wrote the spells yourself?"

"Yeah."

"Wooow," she replied, totally awestruck.

"Oh, come on. I'm sure you could do it, if you really wanted to. It just takes a little creativity and patience. I mean, you're pretty smart, and all," he laughed. The rest of started laughing along with him.

"What the hell is this music, Draco?" I asked.

"The band's called Blur. Why? Do you not like it?"

"No, I like it just fine, I just never heard such a thing before."

"How do you know Muggle music?" Hermione asked, puzzled once again.

"My mother, actually." The grin on his face faded. "She used to love Muggle music. She would play it all the time for me."

"What was her favourite?" she asked.

Much to my surprise, the grin returned and he tapped the player again. He took out the shiny little disc and replaced it with another. When he tapped it again, the music was totally different.

Hermione grinned insanely. "Peter Murphy? He's one of my favourites, too."

Harry had scooted closer to me and picked up the cards that Mione'd thrown aside. She and Draco were now totally absorbed in playing with their contraption. He was showing her how he'd worked the charms out and all the rest whilst Harry and I played cards.

"You know, I think I like him."

He looked up at me with a wonderfully stunned expression. "You... _for real_?"

"Yeah, he's really not such an ass as he makes himself out to be." He seemed content with that answer so I had to add, "And he makes a _wonderful_ girlfriend for you, too."

He glared at me, then replaced it with a grin. "He really is great, isn't he?"

"As much as I wish I could deny it, I just can't. I think he's good for you."

"Thanks, Ron. That means a lot to me."

"Actually, I think he's good for Mione, too." We both looked up to see them talking and laughing, though at what neither of us knew.

"You know, I think you're right. I did find the perfect girlfriend, didn't I?"

"That, you did." And we were overcome with laughter.

"You two are having way too much fun over there," Hermione's voice barely audibly came through the music and torrents of laughter.

"S... sorry, love. We'll... knock it... off," I gasped, trying to catch my breath. It was no good. We were a lost cause.

Out of the clear blue sky, Draco jumped up, pulling Hermione with him. "Will you, really?"

"Yeah, really," she laughed.

"Yeah, really, what?" I asked.

"She's gonna teach me how to use make-up!" he said, grinning. All I could do was raise an eye brow. "What?"

"Nothing, I just never would have pegged you for that sort of thing."

"Really?" Cocking his head he sounded almost surprised.

"Well, now that you mention it, you _would_ look pretty in... say... black eyeliner and green shadow. _Very_ Back-To-School-Slytherin," I replied, trying to keep a straight face. Though nothing about this scenario was even remotely straight.

"Ooh, I like it, I like it! Can you?"

"I can do lots of things," she laughed in return.

"Great!" And he dragged her into the house after him.

"Strange one, that," I told Harry.

He happily sighed, "Yeah, he is, isn't he?"

"But not half as strange as you are."

"Hmm. Perhaps.... Hey, Ron?"

"Hey what?"

"Thanks for giving him a chance and everything."

"Hey, you'd do the same for me."

He nodded and a dreamy smile appeared at the corners of his mouth. This had been a very odd day, indeed. My best friend was in love with our former worst enemy. He was in love. And I could see why. Mione also loved him, and that was quite apparent. Draco was a great person, though why he chose not to be that way for so many years was beyond me. Well, I suppose it was a good thing after all that I chose to get it together and listen. Weird.

*****

I like it. I know it's awful, but it's just so damn happy. And before I catch a bunch of hell for it, No, Ron is NOT gay. At least not here. Give me a break, please. Luv ya! Cheers! 


	13. All I Need To Know From You Is All I See

Body Warnings and Disclaimers: Please refer to chapters 1, 7, or 14.

A/N: Sorry it took me so long to get this going again. I hope this meets your expectations.

All I Need To Know From You Is All I See

The night before we were to return to Hogwarts was a rather interesting affair. Hermione had already gone to sleep on the couch in the living room and so Ron, Draco, and I were alone in our bedroom. Ron's reaction to Draco was surprising. I kind of figured that he would just tell him to go sod himself and then tell me the same. Instead, he gave us his blessing, and that was worth all the pain and trouble Draco and I had been through from the very beginning. At any rate, we were all checking to make sure that all of our school things were together and ready to go when Ron asked a very interesting question.

"So, what are you going to do tomorrow?"

"What do you mean?" I asked, totally baffled at such an ambiguous question.

"I mean, what's going to happen tomorrow when everyone sees the four of us together at the station? Or at school?"

That was a very valid question that I honestly hadn't given much thought to. I couldn't imagine that everyone else at Hogwarts would be as accepting of mine and Draco's relationship as Ron and Hermione had been. Then there was the issue of Draco's fellow Slytherins.

"I guess they'll just have to get over it, won't they?" Draco replied rather offhandedly as he placed the last of his books in his trunk. "It's not like I'm just going to go on like I always have and treat you like shit. I already tried that and it didn't work. Besides, what can anyone honestly do?"

"They could lynch you," Ron replied dryly.

"Ahch. They will not," Draco stated with complete and utter confidence. "My father already tried that and if he couldn't do it, I seriously doubt a bunch of undergraduate witches and wizards will succeed."

The way he said that -with such lack of emotion and like it was an everyday part of life- made me visibly flinch. I still had a hard time thinking about what had happened to Draco two months ago without flinching. I probably always will, though. But ever since he had been pulled out of his father's dungeon, he had been a totally different person. The way he was with me when we were alone had become his demeanor all the time. He was no longer afraid of what those around us would say once they figured out that we were a pair. It was like he had lost all notions of fear and discomfort that had permeated his very existence not two months earlier. While this was undoubtedly a very positive change, his lack of emotion toward what had befallen him was almost upsetting.

"What about all the other people in Slytherin?" Ron was continuing to press the matter.

"You know, I never thought of that," Draco said with a smile. "I wonder what they'll think?"

"You don't seem overly concerned," pointed out Ron.

"Really, Ron, don't you think that Dumbledore has already taken all this into consideration? I am more than reasonably certain that he would not put anyone into a dangerous situation. So don't worry about it," Draco finished.

No sooner had Draco finished speaking did there appear an owl at the window. I didn't recognize it; it was a great big horned owl that looked rather menacing. Opening the window, it flew inside and perched on the back of the desk chair. Once I had untied the letter from its leg, it flew off out the open window.

"What's that, Harry?" Ron asked, leaning forward in his chair.

"I don't know. But it's addressed to you, Draco."

Reluctantly, he took the letter from my hand and opened it carefully. Ron and I were both staring at him as though silently willing him to tell us what the letter contained. A moment after starting to read, Draco's face broke into a wide smile. "See, Ron, I told you so," he said as he handed the letter to the boy in the chair.

"Huh. What do you know?" Ron replied with a grin, giving Draco the letter.

They were acting as though I weren't even in the room until Draco turned and said, "Bet you never thought I'd make it as a Gryffindor, huh?"

"What?" I was totally confused.

"Draco's gonna stay in Gryffindor with us this year," Ron answered happily. That kid was too weird. I never thought he would ever welcome Draco into his life with such open arms.

"For real?"

"Yes, for real." Draco was grinning from ear to ear. "I may be a tease, but not about something like that."

At that, Ron burst into a fit of laughter. Taking my opportunity while Ron was distracted, I pulled Draco into my arms and kissed him. I seemed to have forgotten how engrossed in kissing him I could get that I didn't even notice that Ron had stopped laughing. Draco pulled away and turned his head to stare at him.

"You all right, Ronnikins?" Draco asked sweetly, laying his head on my chest. "You're looking a bit pale."

"S-sorry, I didn't mean-"

"Hey, if I were in your place I don't think I could keep from staring at us, either, we're so damn sexy," he replied as he hugged me just the slightest bit tighter. Even though I couldn't see his face, I knew he was smiling like a fool. There was that note in his voice that simply gave him away.

"No, it's not that. It's just... I don't think I've ever seen two happier people in all my life," he replied very matter-of-factly.

Silence fell over the three of us, but it wasn't awkward or uncomfortable. It was like we were all just assessing each other, appreciating the moment and all of that which it entailed. It was the first time that the three of us had really talked about Draco and I. In the few conversations we had had on the subject, Ron never told us exactly what he thought. We both knew that he approved and that he was indeed happy for us. Ron never really talked about his view of things, he always just gave rather impersonal answers to the questions he was asked. Ron really was a guy's sort of guy, you know, all macho and tough. But at that particular moment, he was just as real and straightforward with us as we were with him. Pretensions and expectations were insignificant in that moment.

"Besides, how often does one really get to see two damn hot guys with their tongues down each other's throats?" Ron added on with a smile.

"Ha! The truth comes out!" exclaimed Draco with a laugh.

Releasing me from his embrace, Draco jumped on the bed and then off, right in front of Ron. In one fluid movement, he pulled Ron out of his chair and threw his arms around his neck. Ron just stood there for a moment with a shocked look on his face, staring at me as though I could explain to him the reasoning behind this sudden outburst of emotion. Then, much to my surprise, he wrapped his long arms around Draco's narrow frame and hugged him back. He was smiling at me, albeit a bit confusedly.

"I'm sorry I gave you so much shit about being poor," Draco said.

The smile on Ron's face faltered for a moment before he replied, "Yeah, well, we all make mistakes." He then mouthed, 'What the hell?' in my direction.

All I could do was shrug my shoulders in response. I knew that Ron hated being called poor, even if it was true. Not that I could blame him. But I also knew that Draco meant it as a sincere apology and not with any maliciousness. I think that Ron knew it, too, because he squeezed Draco and then let him go.

"Truce, then?" Ron asked.

"Wasn't that apparent?" replied Draco with a slight frown.

"Yes, I was merely being sarcastic."

"Oh. Great, then." Draco was grinning again. "You know, Weasley, you're all right."

"Thanks, Malfoy. You're not so bad yourself. Even if you are a spoiled brat."

Draco laughed as he made an obscene finger gesture at Ron. Throwing himself on the bed, he looked quite content. His eyelids closed and Ron took his seat in the chair again. "You know, I think that this is the first time in my whole life that I actually felt real. This is the first time in my life that I've ever had friends and a real home, you know?" Draco made himself more comfortable and a smile curled the corners of his beautiful mouth in an expression of complete happiness. "I could get used to this."

Ron and I were staring at each other with what I imagine were identical expressions of abject horror. Some of things that came out of Draco's mouth were absolutely terrible but he didn't see it that way. And that was why it was so terrible. To think that he had never had a real home or friends or anything like that was enough to break my heart. That he only found that with me was a bit flattering, but that sentiment was more than just slightly overshadowed by the fact that it took him that long to achieve it. Not that my life had been all that much better. Except that I had friends even if I didn't have a real home.

Obviously he sensed the awkward silence, because he opened his eyes and looked from me to Ron and back again. "What's the matter? Did I say something wrong?"

"Uh, no love, it's not that. It's just..." I trailed off. I didn't know quite how to articulate my sorrow for all the things that had befallen him in his life.

"Okay, put yourself in my shoes just for a moment," Draco started. "You're Lucius Malfoy's son and Lucius Malfoy just happens to be the Dark Lord's second in command. Your whole life you've been taught to hate those that are different from you in any way, and that includes the person you've been in love with since you were able to understand the depth of such emotions. When you 'step out of line' you get the shit beat out of you and raped by your father and all of his friends as punishment. You've got to watch your father berate your mother for being a halfway decent human being day in and day out. Then, when it comes time to go to school, you've got to condition yourself into believing things that you know are inherently wrong so that you make the Sorting Hat put you into the 'correct' house. And then you've got to treat the person you're in love with like the scourge of the Earth, and that includes his friends, as well. So, when you finally break the cycle of lies that you've never been away from, you're totally blown away at how life is for everyone else. Everyone else around you has friends and is loved and they don't have to maintain a certain image to ensure the well being of an absolutely deplorable cause. I only got sorted into Slytherin because I had to. I only made fun of you because I had to. I had to keep myself separate from everyone and everything so that no one else would get hurt. What other choice was there? So now do you understand why I feel absolutely nothing about my past?"

Stunned into silence by Draco's speech, all Ron and I could do was stare at him. It was all starting to gel. Everything that Draco had been for so many years was all explained, just like that. I had never really looked at it in that light before, and I had no idea what it was really like to be Draco Malfoy. I knew he was just like me in a lot of ways, which was why I pursued him to begin with; I knew he was always hurting and always alone. But I had no idea just what it was that he went through every single day of his entire life.

"What do you mean you made the Sorting Hat put you in the 'correct' house?" Ron asked very quietly. "No one has any say about what house they get sorted into."

"For the most part, you are very right. The Sorting Hat was designed to see into a person's heart and see what kind of a person they really are. But not even that kind of magick is infallible. It is a relatively simple task to convince anything, especially a magickally altered hat that's what? a thousand years old?, that you've got a rotten heart. It's much more difficult to make it see that you really are good," he responded with a patience I didn't know he possessed.

Forehead furrowed in thought, Ron seemed to be digesting this information thoroughly. "I think I owe you an apology, too."

"No you don't. You don't owe me shit. Even after all the rotten things I've done to you, you still accepted me as one of your own, and that is worth a thousand apologies."

They stared at each other for what seemed like an eternity. Then Ron said, "I understand."

For the first time in all the time I had known Ron Weasley and Draco Malfoy, they were truly on the same level with each other. This kind of equality had not a thing to do with me, and I had never felt better about myself than I did at that moment. I couldn't possibly begin to explain why, but there was something passing between them that made me feel absolutely fabulous.

"Do you think the rest of Gryffindor will?" Draco asked.

"Yes, I do. And if they don't, sod 'em," Ron answered with a smile. "And now I think that it's time we get some sleep. Got to be at the station before eleven, you know." And with that he started unfolding the chair he'd been sitting on to the cot he would sleep on.

Stripped to our shorts, Draco and I climbed under the covers together. Ron put out the light and, after saying our 'goodnights', all was silent. Before that night I had never appreciated Draco's warmth to the extent that I did then. Of course I knew what he had been through, he had told me himself. It just never really sunk in, I guess, how much he had overcome. I thought about that night we first met in the Astronomy Tower and how, if I hadn't insisted that he meet me, we would not have been laying together like we were. He might have been dead long before we'd reached that point. I thought about him laying in the infirmary, bruised and broken. I had never appreciated spooning him like this as fully as I should have before that night. So, pulling him as tightly to me as I could, I kissed the back of his neck until we fell asleep.

*****

So? How do you like my explanation of Draco's getting into Slytherin? Too unbelievable? Not very likely? Will he make it in Gryffindor? Too many questions, I know. Review, lovies. Cheers!

And thank you infinitely, all those who reviewed: first and foremost, The Goddess Shinigami, you are my sweetheart like no other. Thank you so much for all your lovely words and thank you so much for going out of your way to find something to criticize. I laughed at that and it really made me feel pretty sodding wonderful. This is all for you, lovie. *blows great big FAT kiss*; Prongs, it is always so lovely to hear that you like my work. I hope that this pleases you; shinji, you are so my favourite. *great big kiss with tongue and everything* To hear praise from you is worth all the galleons, sickles, and knuts in the entire wizarding world. Your flattery is all the reason I need to keep on writing. I love you. I really, really do; Cat Samwise, no, this ain't it, you'll know when it's done. I promise. But, um, Ron did find out. In chapter 12. Did I not make that clear enough? How could I improve? You really must tell me. Thank you for wanting more, I will do my best to give it to you *giggles in an extremely juvenile fashion*; Web Witch, thanks a ton *smiles*; Juliana Black, *giggles* I knew they were, too. And I just kind of threw the Muggle waiter part in for a bit of cheer on Severus' behalf. He really needs to get some, too, you know. Besides, where else was he going to get it? Remus is already taken, Draco's already taken... who would you prefer? Anything for you, my dear, for calling my work awesome. *kisses*; Alynnia*McKinnon, thanks, that's what I've heard; Britt, my goodness! Thankyouthankyou thankyou! I rather liked my Dumbledore, but hearing from someone else that he's one of the best... *wipes tear from eye* I'm really chuffed. Really. And my goodness, so much praise from one source... I'm going to have to start carrying a pin around so that I can reduce the size of my head from time to time. I hope you like this bit, and I hope it doesn't sound too OOC. If it does, I am more than certain that you will let me know; and, most of all, Rubicon, without whom this story would really suck if it existed at all. You are my inspiration and my reason for being. I love you. Thank all of you again. Without you, I'm nothing. May muses attack with a vengeance, may you always be full of love and light, blessed be, and Cheers! 


	14. I Shout To Time That Nothing Stays

Body Disclaimer: In case you didn't notice, these characters and places do not belong to me, nor am I profiting from my use of them. They belong to J.K. Rowling. Duh. Oh, and in case I haven't mentioned it yet, all my chapter titles are lines from Peter Murphy's _Love Hysteria_.

Warning: If you've made it this far and are only now realising that this contains some male/male relationship and even a bit of sexual stuff, you have got some serious issues. I recommend checking into some professional assistance.

A/N: This was the chapter from hell. I sobbed half the way through it, so give me a break. And it didn't go through my beta yet, either, but I was just too anxious to post to really care. So on with the show...

I Shout To Time That Nothing Stays

Molly and Arthur Weasley picked Harry, Ron, Draco, and I up to take us to the train station on the morning of 1 September. Molly seemed a bit apprehensive about letting Draco ride in the same car as the rest of us. Draco introduced himself and she seemed to relax a bit, though she glanced at the rearview mirror at least once every ten milliseconds. Ginny was about as nervous as her mother, so she insisted upon me being between her and Draco.

The station in and of itself was a rather... interesting affair. Once we had all gone through the barrier and were standing on Platform 9¹, I realised that every head was turned in our direction. I could hear Draco starting to hyperventilate behind me and that was the last thing he needed at the time. I was sure that it was difficult enough for him without his former house mates throwing death glares at him. Harry, Ron, and Ginny were being fussed over, and I could see that it was going to be some time until they were going to be ready to board the train. Draco and I said our goodbyes to Molly and Arthur and I dragged him onto the train.

Once we found an empty compartment, he started to calm down. "Are you all right?" I asked him. Clearly he wasn't all right, but what else could I really have said?

"Yeah. I'll make it."

He was doing much better than I had anticipated. I had no idea what to expect once we got to the station, but I knew it was not going to be pleasant. At least there hadn't been any confrontations or anything. That was definitely a plus. After a few deep breaths, Draco was almost breathing normally again.

"Sorry 'bout that," he said.

"Don't apologise to me. You didn't do anything wrong."

He nodded, but said nothing. He was staring out the window as though he were watching a movie. The longer he sat there staring out the window, the further he slouched in his seat. The expression on his face was of complete desolation.

"Draco?" He looked up at me as though afraid. Or like he had never seen me before in all his life. "What's wrong?"

"This is the first year my mum hasn't been here," he whispered.

Ahh. I had almost forgotten about that. Harry owled me after they'd gotten home from her funeral. He talked a lot about his parents and told me that Snape was actually human, after all. He didn't tell me much about Draco's reaction. He was obviously taking it harder than he was willing to let on most of the time. That first night at Harry's, we talked about her a little bit, but not really extensively.

Not really knowing what else to do, I took the seat beside him and laid a hand on his shoulder. He looked startled for a moment, then relaxed when he realised that it was just me. Draco was odd like that; it was like he would forget where he was and who he was with sometimes. He behaved like an animal that had spent most of its life trying to escape the abusive hands of its master. Whether he always looked so vulnerable and listless, I couldn't honestly say, but since the Weasleys had arrived to pick us up, he had been wearing that very look.

"And she'll never be here." And he started crying.

Pulling him into my arms, we sat with him crying on my shoulder for several very long moments. The door slid open, and I figured that it was just Harry and Ron. Then there was the most god awful laughter ringing through the entire compartment. I spun around, letting go of Draco, and coming face to face with Blaise Zabini who was flanked by Crabbe and Goyle.

"Here he is. And it looks like he's crying on the Mudblood's shoulder. Isn't that sweet," Blaise mocked.

"Aww. Poor little Draky." Goyle was worse than Blaise with his mockery.

"Must still be crying over mummy. What happened to her again?" Crabbe added.

"Committed suicide, I believe. Poor thing'll have to do it all over again," Blaise drawled.

"Get. Out."

I turned around to see Draco standing with his wand pointed straight at Blaise. He wasn't crying, he was looking absolutely murderous.

Harry's voice came from just outside the compartment, "What are _you_ doing here?"

"Ah, Potter. How lovely to see you," Blaise said, stepping aside.

Ron and Harry moved into the compartment and slid the door shut behind them. Ron muttered a locking spell while Harry was trying to calm Draco. "What did he say to you?"

Draco didn't answer, he just sat there looking as shell-shocked as ever. If this was how things were going to start off, I wasn't all that sure that everything would be okay in the end. That was only the first of what I was sure would be thousands of confrontations. I also couldn't imagine that everyone else would keep their distance like Blaise had. I was deathly afraid that it would turn violent at some point, and that was the last thing Harry or Draco needed.

There was a small knock on the door. For a moment none of us reacted. Then Ron stood, closed his spell, and opened the door for Ginny to enter. She was looking a bit pale.

"I can't find Neville," she said, tears welling up in her eyes.

Returning from any sort of holiday always made me nervous. There was no telling who would not return. Most of Slytherin house was still intact, though there had been a few who had disappeared over the course of the last two years. Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff had suffered the greatest losses with almost half of each house gone. Gryffindor had lost mostly the younger kids, the Creeveys, Lavender Brown, and now Neville, too?

Ron and Ginny sat on the opposite side of the compartment from Draco, Harry, and I. Ron held onto her while she cried. She and Neville had become something like best friends since the Yule Ball, our fourth year. Neither Ginny nor Neville had all that many friends and the two of them had become almost inseparable. This year was going to be one of the worst, I was sure of it.

Once Ginny had stopped crying, Draco stood and sat beside her. She stared at him for a moment as though he were some alien creature, the likes of which she'd never seen before. "It's okay," he said quietly. "I lost my mum."

"You-" she stopped. Nodding, she pulled away from Ron and began talking with Draco. They sat like that for the better part of the journey to Hogwarts, discussing the people they'd lost. 

It was so sad, listening to these two people who had never before so much as looked at the other sideways, talking about their lost loved ones. It was so sad that it took tragedy to bring so many of us together. Ginny had lost her best friend, and that was something I couldn't comprehend. Ron and Harry were the first friends I'd ever had and to lose them was more than I cared to think about. Draco had lost his mother and his father, though the latter was more a blessing than a curse. My mother was the greatest person in the world, so far as I was concerned, and I couldn't imagine what my life would be like without her in it. That is what those times were like: always anticipating the worst, never knowing who was next, and always wondering if it was going to be you.

On a positive note, Draco and Ginny were becoming friends. They had found common ground, even if it happened to be battle ground. I was hoping that there would be some sort of turnaround in events this year. I was hoping that there would at least be something good to look forward to. The previous two years had been spent in wretched waiting for the last shoe to drop. It was only a matter of time before it all came to a head and Voldemort would either triumph or fall. I was feeling very much like this year would be the year that it happened. On the one hand, that thought was absolutely terrifying. On the other, at least it would be done and we might finally be able to go on.

We arrived at Hogwarts, the five of us sharing a carriage to the castle. The number of carriages that stood waiting for all the students was painfully low. When everyone was assembled in the Great Hall, we could all see just how many had left us. Slytherin was, for the most part, unchanged, though everyone there seemed to be a bit more subdued than usual. Excepting, of course, Blaise and his henchmen. Ravenclaw was about the same as it was at the end of last year. Hufflepuff was almost nonexistent with only a handful of students left. Gryffindor was without Neville, Parvati, and several of the second and third year kids.

Dumbledore stood to make his speech once the ten first years were sorted into their respective houses. "Good evening and welcome back. Before I make the rest of my announcements, I would like to take a moment to mention those who are no longer with us." He paused, collecting himself. This was the same routine he had been through for the last two years, and it was never any easier for him. "Parvati Patil of Gryffindor house and her sister, Padma, of Ravenclaw, Neville Longbottom, also of Gryffindor, Justin Finch-Fletchley of Hufflepuff," and he continued with a list of about twenty names. At the end of the list, there was a moment of silence. It was the worst year, without a doubt. Never before had so many been lost at one time. "I would now like to introduce to you your new Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher, Professor Lupin."

Lupin? But, we left him at Harry's house that morning. He never mentioned anything about coming back to teach. "Some of you may remember him from earlier years," Dumbledore continued. I never thought that Remus would agree to come back after the first time, after which the entire school found out that he was a werewolf.

Dinner was a quiet affair, most everyone stunned into submission by the amount of losses. We headed up to Gryffindor Tower, but not before flagging Remus down and harassing him about not telling us what was up. He seemed flattered by our response, which was, without a doubt, the high point of the evening. He hurried us out of the hall and sent us on our way, promising that we would be his first class the following day.

Up until we reached the common room, no one said anything or even seemed to notice Draco. Once we were inside, it was Seamus who yelled, "Wait a second, since when did Slytherin and Gryffindor start sharing dorms?"

All heads turned to Draco, who was flushed and breathing too fast. Harry glared icily at Seamus and told him, "Never. Draco isn't a Slytherin, obviously, or he would not be here right now." The rest of those assembled seem to take it that his statement was directed at them, as well. That seemed to settle the matter, as most everyone continued on their way. It seemed that none of our little group were too keen on going up to bed right away, so we commandeered a corner of the common room. Dean and Seamus followed along behind us, obviously wanting to know why Draco Malfoy was now in Gryffindor when he had been the most notorious Slytherin in all the time we'd gone to school together..

"So, what's he doing here then?" Dean asked, trying to keep the tension from his voice.

"Dumbledore thought that it would be in his best interest if he were to stay here for the rest of the year," I told him. He didn't seem all that satisfied, but he let the matter drop.

Seamus, on the other hand, was looking at Draco like he was the subject of a scientific experiment. "Does he talk?" he asked in his innocent fashion.

"Yes, I talk," Draco replied in a condescending tone. I was secretly cheering him on.

"Sorry, I just wasn't sure, being as you haven't said a word since you arrived, you know. I thought that maybe you were an impostor or something because the Draco Malfoy I used to know was a spoiled, mean-spirited git," Seamus said as though he were explaining nothing more than why he thought his tea wasn't strong enough.

"Yes, well, I was. 'Was' being the operative word," responded Draco in a very cool and collected manner.

"So what happened?"

"Harry," he said cheerfully and with a very loving smile toward the boy in question.

"Harry? Oh, right, you mean you're- _Riiiiight_. Huh. What do you know?" Seamus sat back, assessing Harry and Draco. "Actually, yeah. I could see it. Never pegged you for being a literal fairy, though."

"What do you mean 'literal fairy'?" Draco asked, slightly taken aback.

"I mean, you kinda look like a faerie. The little creature, you know? But I never thought that you were, you know? A fairy," he explained in his typically convoluted manner.

"Like you're one to talk," Harry exclaimed, laughing.

Seamus feigned being scandalised, placing his hand on his chest. "Moi?"

"Yes, you."

"And all this time I thought you never paid any attention to me."

"Ignoring _you_ is a virtual impossibility," Ron pointed out.

"Oh, Ronnikins! I had no idea you felt that way!" At that point, Seamus threw himself at Ron, who wasn't quick enough to move out of the way, so he wound up with a lapful of Seamus.

"Geroff. I _don't_ feel that way, you bleeding ponce," Ron laughed.

Seamus sat on Ron's lap for a moment with his lower lip stuck out in a pout and his arms crossed before Ron pushed him off. "But-"

"Come on, you," Dean said, dragging Seamus off the couch. "Leave them alone. I think you've harassed them enough for one night." He turned to the rest of us and said, "See you later, then. Good night, Hermione." 

"Good night, Dean."

"Big kiss!" Seamus added with a gesture to match.

Dean then hoisted his squirrely best friend onto his shoulder and carried him off up the stairs. Seamus continued to bat his eyelashes and blow kisses at us until they had turned the corner.

"I still can't believe they allow that kid to remain with the general populace," Draco laughed, watching Seamus go. "I would have thought they'd have caged him up or something."

"There's no zoo in the entire universe that would want to take him," Harry added.

I looked up to see Ginny still standing in the middle of the room as though frozen in place. All at once, everything rushed back to me. Parvati wouldn't be there when I went up to bed. Though I had never been particularly fond of Parvati, her absence was not welcome by any means. I had actually gotten used to her unending strings of gossip and stupid jokes and makeup tips. Now, there would be no vacuousness to lighten the tension at the end of every day. And Neville wouldn't be sitting at the table in the morning with Ginny, trying to catch up on everything they'd missed over the holiday. He wouldn't be whispering in my ear, asking me to help him with his potions anymore. He wouldn't tag along behind Harry, watching him practice Quidditch ever again. Neville was gone. Just as Parvati was gone. Would this ever get any easier? Learning to deal with watching the people I'd spent the last six years of my life with just drop out of sight was nearly impossible. Every year it was the same; only the names changed.

"You all right?" Draco whispered.

I turned around, not knowing he was sitting directly beside me. He must have moved in the time that I had been lost in my thoughts. "No. I'm not." I was fighting off tears. I didn't want to cry in front of the boys; I always hated myself when I couldn't keep myself in check. "But I'm more okay than she is."

He glanced up at Ginny, who was still standing in the same position she'd been standing in for the last five minutes, at least. For a moment, he stared at her, but said nothing. Then he turned back to me and said, "It won't always be like this."

"So when will it change?"

"I don't know." We lapsed into silence for a moment, just looking at each other as though searching for answers. Asking questions seemed almost silly when nothing ever had an answer. Nothing was ever for certain. All any of us could do was live our lives one day at a time because, for all we knew, that was all we had left. "I wish there was something I could do or say to make it all go away. I just don't know, Hermione, and I am so sorry."

"So am I." That was all I could say. The heat in my eyes finally got the better of my will, and I felt several tears roll down my face.

Sadness tainted his smile as he picked my hand up and held it in his own. "If it makes you feel any better, I just want you to know that you're the coolest chick I have ever known in my whole life, aside from my mum. So at least not everything in this world is horrible and ugly."

Unable to suppress a smile, I answered, "Thanks, Draco. That means a lot to me." Reaching my free hand to my face, I wiped away the tears. "You know, you're a pretty cool guy."

"You think?"

"No. I know."

*****

So? Action will start to pick up within the next couple of chapters and I hope to have this wrapped up in some kind of timely manner. *snorts* I know, I know. So, please review. Thanks, loves. Cheers. 


	15. You Can Sick At the Heart

Body Warnings and Disclaimers: please refer to chapters 1, 7, or 14. Thanks.

A/N: Sorry it took me so long to get this updated. My muse was on a _very_ long holiday and my brain went with her. And there would be ch. 16 following this if my computer weren't possessed of the devil. It won't let me open the file, but I promise I'll get it done soon. Not as long between chapters from here, I hope. I actually figured out how it ends!!!! Yay!!! *trumpets sound* But not yet. *trumpets fizzle out in a really disgusting sound of disappointment* Soon.

You Can Sick At The Heart

Once all the students were back in the building, Hogwarts didn't seem so barren and desolate anymore. All through the summer, we all struggled to keep our sanity intact. Since Voldemort's return, every summer had been a test of will. How much silence could we really endure before it won out over us? By the time that it came down to that, the students had returned. Though the number of students had diminished considerably, it was still comforting to have a routine, warm bodies, and other voices drifting about.

None of the other Death Eaters had been captured, so this was a great mystery. Since Lucius Malfoy had been apprehended, attacks had become almost nonexistent. He'd been interrogated on many different occasions, but to no avail. A truth serum was used but no new information was revealed. It seemed that none of the Death Eaters knew who the others were; it was a completely anonymous organisation. Anonymity simply added to the volatility of the situation. Not knowing who or what to watch out for meant that one had to be on one's toes at all times of the day or night. Not even Draco knew who his attackers were, excepting his own father. With no new information, it seemed like this year was going to be as hopeless as every year since Voldemort had risen.

The tension in the air was almost tangible. It seemed that everyone was just waiting to be attacked; everyone was waiting to die. There was little fear of it, but it was acknowledged all the time. Nary a day passed that I didn't hear at least one student comment upon the events of the outside world in a fashion that was simply not characteristic of a child. Children weren't really allowed to be children in those days. They were forced to be as aware as any adult. It was painful for me to have to listen to their musings on life and death and good and evil. Concepts that normal children shouldn't be able to grasp were being taken by the throat and dissected to the fullest extent.

Perhaps my biggest shock, however, was that Draco was to be put into my house for the remainder of his time at Hogwarts. Severus was mildly disappointed, but he handled himself quite well. It had become common knowledge that Draco was involved with Harry in a manner that went a bit deeper than friendship, so naturally I was concerned about allowing them to stay in the same dorm together. Before they headed up to bed that first night, I took Harry aside because I wasn't altogether comfortable with Draco, and meant to have a talk with him. He had a talk with me instead.

"What is this about, Professor?" he asked once we were safely within the confines of my office.

"Being as I am your head of house, I feel that it is my responsibility to discuss the extent of your relationship with Mr. Malfoy," I started out. I was never very good at talking to students about sexual relations, especially the boys, but I was determined to do just that.

Smiling knowingly, though almost sadly, he started before I even had the chance to ask. "Would you feel better if I were to tell you that there's nothing for you to worry about?"

"Would you be telling me that because you don't want to watch me embarrass myself, or because you want off the hook?" I asked, thinking that the latter would be the case.

"There's no hook to be let off of," he replied very matter-of-factly.

"No?" I didn't believe him, but I was more than willing to listen to what he had to say.

"If I tell you why, do you promise not to say anything to anyone else?" There was a kind of adult sincerity in the way that he was talking to me that I couldn't help but admire.

"Anything you say to me shall not go beyond me," I assured him.

Taking a deep breath, he began, "Do you know about what happened to Draco when he went home?"

"I take it that you are referring to his near-death experience?"

He flinched slightly, making me feel rather insensitive, but continued. "It was a bit more than just that." He sighed deeply as he shut his eyes tight. He was clearly trying to remain in control of his emotions and it was clearly a difficult thing for him to do. "He was-" he stopped. "You'll forgive me; this is rather difficult to talk about," he whispered.

"Take your time."

"Draco was severely abused you know," he stated without emotion.

"Yes, I am aware of that."

"He was very severely _sexually_ abused," he clarified.

That was a part of the tale that had been omitted when I was told about why Draco would be in my care for the rest of the year. "I see."

"Then you also see why there's nothing for you to worry about?" he finished.

"Yes, I suppose I do."

Without warning, a silent sob wracked his entire body. I thought that the rest of the students were mature beyond their years, but none so much as Harry. He was having to deal with things I myself had never had to deal with, and he did it with utmost grace. I was now beginning to wonder just how much he had gone through with Draco and what the implications of that would be. My knowledge of all the things that had transpired between them was extremely limited, and at the rate things were going, I wasn't at all sure that I wanted to know.

"Are you all right, Potter?"

Nodding almost imperceptibly, he muttered, "Sorry. It's just difficult."

"I'm sure it is."

"He's getting better, really he is. Most of the time he's pretty normal, you know?" he said suddenly as though he were trying to convince himself more than me. His voice had taken on an almost panicky note and he wasn't even seeing me anymore. "But sometimes he like forgets, you know?"

"What do you mean he forgets?" I asked, trying to sound understanding without wanting to pry. Harry was talking about this for what I assumed was the first time, judging by the erratic way he was talking and behaving and I certainly didn't want to upset him and make him stop. I wasn't interested so much in the content of what he was saying, but the fact that he just needed to say it.

"He just... forgets. Where he is and who he's with, you know? And sometimes he acts like it never happened at all." Tears were welling up in his eyes and he was speaking as though he were pleading with me.

"And this bothers you."

"Don't get me wrong, I want him to be able to put it behind him. But it's just not right, the way he ignores it. Or he talks about it like it's a normal part of life. It's like he thinks nothing of it at all. But then he forgets who he is and where he is and who I am." At that point, the tears fell from his eyes and I felt the heat coming into my own. "And I don't know what to do except for just being there. I just feel so helpless." And he started sobbing.

For a moment, all I could do was stare at him. No student or even another professor had ever told me anything like what Harry was telling me. I'd never had any children of my own and I hadn't had a whole lot of contact with those who had been seriously traumatised like that. I never really thought of Harry as a person who had seen more trauma and drama in his short seventeen years than I had in all sixty of mine. He didn't act the part. He just didn't look or act like a person whose parents had been destroyed or like he was being trailed by the darkest wizard ever to curse the Earth with his existence. Because of this, I never treated him any differently than I did any of my other students. I never thought that he was anything more special than any one of them.

Watching Harry Potter cry was almost more than I could stand. I went around to the other side of the desk, where he was sitting, and placed a hand on his shoulder. Comforting others had never been my forte, but I was determined to do my best. His tears started to slow and he gradually regained control of himself.

"Sorry. Didn't mean to go to pieces like that," he muttered as he wiped his eyes in an extremely embarrassed fashion.

"It's all right, Son." I rather stunned myself. That was probably the most sympathetic I had ever sounded in all my life.

"I just hate feeling so helpless. There's nothing I can do to help him and I hate it."

"You're doing the best you can, Harry. That's all anyone can do," I tried to assure him.

"Perhaps. I just feel like my best isn't good enough, you know? I should just be able to take it away and I just _can't_ . I don't know how. I don't know what to do. And you know what the worst part is? It's when he looks at me like I'm the greatest person he's ever met and all I can think is that I've failed him." He stared down at the floor as he said this like he was letting all of his shame be known to me.

"You've not failed anyone, Harry. You've done more than your fair share."

"Right," he sighed. "Boy Who Lived and all, right? That took no effort. I let him get away. I let him kill Cedric and I let him get away. And what happened? Everyone's gone. Well, most everyone. And Draco almost died. Sometimes I think that if he had died, he might be better off. Is that horrible, or what?"  


"Why do you say that?"

"Well, if he had died, then he wouldn't have to deal with all that shit- excuse me- all the time, you know? It hurts: watching him struggle to stay afloat. Every time he freezes up and curls into a ball... it hurts. Because there's nothing I can do. I can't take it away. I can't change it. And I hate it. How come I could beat Voldemort before I could even walk and I can't even make Draco's life any better?" he asked as though I could give him an answer.

"You do make his life better, Harry. I'm sure of it."

"I'm glad someone thinks so," he smirked bitterly.

"Don't you? I'll tell you that I saw him smile more this evening than he has in all the six years he's attended Hogwarts. I think that's worth a lot. And as far as him staying afloat, I think you're helping him do just that," I tried, though I thought that I sounded rather silly.

"Thank you. I appreciate that," he answered, sounding not at all convinced. "I will tell you that he is going to sleep with me, so that you don't think I'm trying to pull one over on you. But I promise that that is all," he sighed, looking slightly dejected.

"Thank you, I appreciate that," I laughed.

"You won't tell him that I told you, will you?"

"No, Potter, nothing that is said inside this office leaves this office. Unless his well-being is in danger, I promise I shan't say a thing to anyone."

"Thanks. I just don't want him to think I'm trying to interfere, you know?"

"In what sense?"  


"He thinks there's nothing wrong with him. He thinks he's as normal as they come. If he knew that I didn't think so, he would... I don't want to think about it," he shuddered.

"It will take time, but Draco will eventually face what he's been through. He is probably just not ready yet. My best advice to you is just to let him be. Listen to him when he wants to talk and let him know you're there."

"That's what I have been doing."

"And I would think that you're doing a fine job, as well."

"Why's that?" he skeptically asked.

"Honestly, Potter, I wasn't born yesterday."

"No, I can't imagine that you were," he conceded with a smile.

"Draco's never really had any friends and don't think I haven't noticed. But I watched him at dinner tonight, and I noticed that he wasn't just talking to you. And wasn't he sitting with Mr. Weasley and Ms. Granger?" I pointed out, trying to make him see the light.

"This is all fine and good, Professor, but that is only here and now. Do you know what this summer was like?" he asked, his tone turning almost bitterly cynical. Without waiting for me to respond -which I'm not sure I could have done, anyway- he continued, "For the first few days he did nothing but sleep. Then he found out his mother had committed suicide. This only added fuel to the fire. Do you know what her funeral was like?" I did know, I had been there. Narcissa was a former student, and though we weren't particularly close, it was an obligatory thing to do. "How he kept it together I don't honestly know, but when we got home, he sure didn't. The whole funeral I listened to him cry and try not to hyperventilate. That's a very, very hard thing to do, you know: listening to your best friend and your... you know, try not to lose control in front a bunch of people that includes his teachers and the aunt he hates almost as much as he hates his father, and that's saying something. We didn't go to the reception, we went home, where he proceeded to hyperventilate so badly that he actually passed out. That's a hard thing to watch day in and day out. I apologise," he said suddenly, looking down at the floor. "I guess I'm just hitting my breaking point, you know? Gotta let it out sometimes," muttered Harry as he cast his eyes at the floor once more.

"I understand."

Looking up at me, he whispered, "And the cause of all of it, the cause of everything that's gone wrong and is still going wrong, is still out there. How many more people have they done that to? How many more are yet to come? When I first heard about Voldemort and what he'd done, I didn't really understand until I actually saw him come back. But now I think that I never understood it because if I did, then maybe I could do something about it."

"No, Harry. You understand better than you should," I sighed. "You understand far better than most. Not that that makes it any better or any easier. But just understanding is half the battle with Voldemort, and you know that. You know better than anyone else does. You just don't 

know it yet."

He seemed to give this some thought, his brow furrowing and eyes setting on mine. After a few moments he finally relaxed and said, "Perhaps. Just wait and see, huh?" Then, much to my amazement, he smiled.

As his gaze became less intense, I realised that I was feeling very self-conscious. When he stared at me like that, it was like he was reading my very thoughts. "Right. Off to bed; it's getting late."

"Goodnight, Professor," he said as he shut the door behind him.

"Goodnight, Harry."

The gravity of Harry's situation was finally starting to set in. Not only was it Draco that he had to deal with, but the threat of Voldemort and the part that he must play in his defeat. When I was seventeen I was worrying about the same things all the other girls were worrying about. And I can assure you that it wasn't Dark Lords and death. Harry Potter was something special and everyone knew it. Even he knew it. He knew he was going to be called upon someday to fight in battle and he just accepted it as gracefully as anything. But not even he could keep his doubts and fears bottled up forever. Thinking about Harry and all the things he had to face at his young age made me sick. The gravity of his situation made me sick at the heart at the very thought of it.

Yet there was something in the air that year that made me think that this was a time to be enjoyed because it wasn't going to last for long. Lucius Malfoy was in a cell far below the Ministry offices where he would be held indefinitely. Voldemort was without his confidant, and he would not stand for that for long. It was going to start unraveling very, very soon. And Harry was going to be at the very centre of it.

*****

So? Not one of my better chapters, I know, but I still like it. Let me know. Cheers!

Thanks to: Prongs, as always a review from you is worth a thousand smiles; Sandra Solaria Dees (and I really dig that name, too.); Juliana Black; Ruka-chan, you are too sweet; Myr; PepperjackCandy; Alchemy, I'm glad you liked ch. 11. It was one of my personal favourites, too; shindo, that was one of the greatest reviews I've gotten in a long time. I am nothing short of completely flattered! *blushes* *blows kiss* thanks; and to WildfireFriendship, I hope you like this, too. Thanks again, and cheers! 


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